yet another, for all to enjoy.....
“If Ever . . .”
If ever I wanted to understand, this would be that time.
For it would offer me resolve, when my heart is so torn in design.
If ever I wished for different circumstances, this would be the moment.
For deep within all that has happened, my mind is broken into fragments.
If ever I wanted to have had more time, to visually apply my plans, this would be it.
Since time has snuck up on me and doused my visual fire, without a blinking forfeit.
If ever my beliefs were at their all time lowest, even non-existent, it is now.
For searching within this soul of mine, has offered no solace for my vows.
To be the best father, the best friend, the best helper, the best provider.
I’ve fallen short here, my body weakens more and more, deficient in advisor.
If ever I did not seek for more, then this has become my new goal.
For within the sins inside this temple, lies a wrong, that takes all control.
If ever I could fight myself over turmoil and guilt, this time has come to a close.
Since now, the only fight I seem to win, is the battle of self expose.
If ever I could turn back time, this would be the moment, when I would wish.
So that I could put together the right pieces, not the wrong ones, so foolish.
If ever I questioned every single purpose for life, now would prove the strongest.
Since deep inside this heart so beaten, lies a pain that hibernated, for the longest.
Twisted up, my mental stages wreak of death and the sensations it gives.
For there is nothing in front of me right now, that consoles me, so life, I should live.
If ever I did not understand why, then this is the most prominent gesture.
Not coming to terms with myself or others, the unfairness of this lecture.
If ever I questioned God, the universe, the world, our reasons for existing.
Then this is by far the most powerful conundrum, with answers unavailable for whispering.
If ever I get past this, though fearfully, that conclusion seems unattainable . . .
Perhaps life could provide me some answers, at my time of departure, if available.
If ever I can sedate myself, calm myself, redeem myself, though very doubtful.
Then maybe I will be given resolve, from this tragic bleeding, about a heart-full.
Since things we seem to squander, such as love, honor, cherish, respect for absence and plain listening . . .
If ever we get the chance at redemption, we should carefully place them, as most important of things.
If ever I wished to do it all over again, just to get it right this time,
this would be my hope, since life has sacrificed my prime.
If ever, since logically never, I see past the darkness that I see now,
then and only then, will I feel this soul’s redemption, somehow.
