If biblical events were being covered by today's media...
On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Enforcement Officials Killed While Pursuing Unruly Mob
On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION OF RELIEF TROOPS
Psychologist Questions Significance of Rock Used as Weapon
On the prophet Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS ACTIVIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed In Unprovoked Attack
On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS EJECTED FROM SHELTER
Animal Rights Advocates Enraged by Insensitive Couple
On feeding the 5,000:
LAY PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior
On healing the 10 lepers:
QUACK PREYS ON TERMINALLY ILL
Authorities Investigating Use of Non-traditional Medical Procedure
On healing of the two demon-possessed men in Gadarenes:
MADMAN CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer Faces Bankruptcy After Loss of Hogs
On raising Lazarus from the dead:
ITINERANT PREACHER RAISES STINK
Will Now Being Contested by Lawyers of Heirs
today'sTHOT============================
Will be President for food.
