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i will accept my fate of no future and live my life the way i had for 18yrs, before i was foolish enough to act on possible happiness.
i will stay in my room all day long, unless something necissary comes up. TV and the computer will be all i use for "entertainment." i most likely wont even listen to music because music is filled with lyrics that associate with love, hope, fears, anger.
feelings!
i wont have those anymore.
along with my isolation, i will become as numb as i used to be. i have no one in my life i could possibly be with in a romantic sense so why fool myself into thinking there is hope? i wont.
i wont bother my friends into making time for me because i know they have lives which include goals and dreams. i envy them so much. speaking of friends, im sure even they dont know how i could ever of had a boyfriend let alone a fiance. it truely is beyond me. i have no idea whatsoever y someone would be with me!
no job.
no school.
no car.
itll be a great way to save money to move into an apartment with my roommate. there i KNOW i wont be bothered by my parents or anyone else to leave my seclusion.
i wont interfere and i wont be a burden any longer. no, this isnt a suicide note. i dont even see the point in dying anymore. ive always been a strong believer in that everything happens for a reason, and i still see that being true. there has to be a reason im in so much pain. there MUST be some reason i am so unhappy. . . life has been a real bitch to me almost my entire existance. i had to have done something horrendous in my past life, thats all there is to it. im paying the price for something i did that i dont even remember doing.
so all of this agony and suffering is fine. ill accept it. this is my fate.
