Squires8's blog: "I need advice please"

ohh where do i start

For a long time ive been looking for girlfriend. Ive had girlfriends, we broke up, then id look for another one. I looked anywhere, from my friends on facebook, to any variation of a social networking website i could find. If i saw a pretty face, regardless of if it was someone i knew since the first grade or someone i never met, i felt like i had a crush on them or w/e you want to call it. Things have changed. I look back at those habits and find them rather....disgusting.

Ive had..idk..5 and a half girlfriends since i started actively dating. Im not going to name any names. But as i look back on these relationships, it turns out i didnt have very strong feelings for most of them. The one i really did care about got away from me, like it does in all the songs, movies, stories, and poems about lost love or whatever. This girl left a "hole" like they often do.

For a long time i thought that failing in that relationship ruined me. Ive recently decided it hasnt ruined me, it just changed me. Old people dont really like change, but i find that it is rather healthy and adds some spice. That relationship obviously didnt pan out, but none of them since then worked out very well either. I thought that none of these relationships worked out because i was still hooked on that one. Regardless of whether i am still hooked on this girl or not, I think the latter relationships didnt work out because i was trying to put as much time and space between me and that girl as possible. They were just buffers, not loves.

If this girl were to ask me out today, even after how long it has been, or whatever either of us have done since then, i would say yes in a minute. I find this to be rather pathetic, but there isnt anything i can do about it. She is part of my internal wiring now, or something. Some of you know what im saying, some of you probably dont. It all depends on if you have been in my situation or not.

All of these girl experiences are honing my taste for women i think. I dont know if i am trying to replicate that relationship as much as possible, or if i am simply learning what i want, and what i like. Its like I have been drinking wine just to get drunk, and now over night i have become a wine connoisseur(spelling?). I suddenly find all these wines, that i recently got drunk on, repulsive. If you are slow, im comparing women to wine. It is very similar in this instance. I suddenly find all these girls that i thought i had a crush on, that i thought were so cute, repulsive. I dont mean to be harsh, also why im not using names, but i have absolutely no interest in these people what-so-ever.

I dont know if this is a long or short rant by blog standards. But i hope i didnt lose your interest in there somewhere. I hope you are still reading. I hope you will give some sort of feedback. I dont want anyone reading this to take this personally. If i have no romantic interest in you, we are still friends. I will be tagging some people simply to get feedback. Even if you arent tagged please read this and please give any advice you have. The people i am tagging are people i know give me good advice, or i believe will be able to find some sense in this jumble of emotions. It is exactly that, a jumble of emotions, even if it sounds monotone or robotic.

Im not really sure why i wrote this, or what any of it means. The fact that i did write it simply means that it had to be said. People who know me, know that im not one for holding back my thoughts. It is healthy to speak your mind, even if it gets you in trouble. If you dont respond to this, at least understand that fact. Dont be a coward. State your mind.

Happy Thanksgiving, and shoot a buck if you got a tag.