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its your 81st birthday and yet im never really over your death the memories haunt me even today papa me by your side holding your hand at night and being your care giver during the day after mom passed away i never prepared myself that i would be the one to take the lead inplace of mom. being a care giver since i was 10 was neveer easy but i wouldnt change it for the world daddy we loved you so ,much your dignity and grace and honor . my heart is heavier this yr . for the first time papa im on my own in my own place making my own space. and the same kind of quiet when i sit here in silence. that we had when i was by your side. ironic as that sounds. in june 11 and july 23 this year will mark 30 years since we lost you both 6 weeks apart its a huge weight knowing this yet it feels fresh this year maybe because i have a hard time comprending you both have been gone so long yet it feels like yesterday. but you and i had that bond that never broke not even in death .. the dream i had marking the 20th year after your death maybe just maybe daddy we will see each other again in a dream this yr but sleeping has been pretty bad i just miss you dad and tired of being without you and mom so tired.... i at times question will this void ever go away....
