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What are you waiting for?
I'm pregnant I just got the news
I sit rubbing by belly waiting for you.
Although you can't move yet I still feel you there
as I close my eyes and fall deep into prayer.
Dear God, thank you for this precious child
this is a miracle from heaven there is no denial.
I imagine holding you as you place your hand into mine
as I opened my eyes and realized the time.
The time was in the past
but that vision of you is a memory that still lasts.
You left me to early
and for this I still weep
my womb is empty
the pain is so deep.
I can't help but wonder if you are ok
I imagine you placing your hand into mine one day
as we soar side by side in the heavens above
but for now my angel I will still give you love
as I rub my belly you are not there
as I look up to heaven with a wondering stare.
I close my eyes and begin to pray
Jesus, will you please bless me again one day.
I just dont get what I have done to deserve all of this I have gone though. I can now say that what happened on the 3rd of April is by far the most traumatic event in my life. I went in with some heart problems to be told that MIlo was no longer alive and most likely had been that way for a week. THe hours to come after this ere so damn traumatic. I almost lost my life due to all of the blood loss at delivering Milo. The placenta wouldnt come out, so they had to go in and remove it. Resulting in more blood loss on my end and gettig 3-4 units of blood.I know at first I was seriously thinking about adopting him out to a more deserving parents, but I just got so attatched. I would talk to him, play music for him,.. was rubbiing my belly every change I could get. When they cleaned him up as much as possible and put him in the blanket and little microfiber suit... they asked if I could hold him. I couldnt.. I dont know why, but I just couldnt. And now I am regretting not being able to hold him for the first and last time.This just isnt damn fair. I want my baby boy home. It is just not any fair. I have this huge emptiness inside of me that hurts so bad. Nothing seems to be able to ease it just a little bit. I was gettin so excited that August was coming and I was going to get to take Milo home, but for some god forsaken fucked up reason, hes gone.... hes gone..
I sit and remember
When you were still a part of me
I try to forget...
Your life was never meant to be.
You were given a life
But now things will never be the same.
You were mine to give life to
Though only for a short while
Things had changed...
I will never see your smile.
Yet my love for you
Will never disappear
Though your voice, your laugh,
I will never get to hear.
You will always be my baby
Though I only got to see you for a short time before you were taken...
Not a thing in this world
Can ever take your place.
R.I.P Milo Quinn
3 April 2013
