SeXiBaBi's blog: "I LOVE MY BABY"

hmmmmm okay sooo i am lost i dont know what to think anymore to keep trying to work my relationship out or walk away its hurting me either way the last 4 days have been totally fucked ....do i or dont i. I dont know anymore i feel soo lost i have soo meny things goin through my head its not funny i dont know ..i just dont know anymore i know i care more for him then he does for me n it hurts sooo bad i dunno where i stand i dont even know if i mean anything to him anymore n thats what hurts the most :'( i dunno :'(

WHY IS IT WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF I SEE NOTHING BUT FILTH WHY IS IT THAT I LOOK AT MY SELF N CRY WHY IS IT THAT THE ONLY GUY I LOVE N HAVE LOVES FOR 18 MONTHS N HAV NEVER CHEATED ALWAYS SEEMS TO CHEAT ON ME N USE ME N ABUSE ME AM I NOT WORTHY AM I AS LOW AS I THINK I AM WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I FINALLY PULL MYSELF UP I GET KNOCKED BACK DOWN WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I FEEL LIKE I HAV ACCOMPLISED SOMETHING EVEN IF ITS WITH HELP PEOPLE TELL ME ITS NOT WORTH IT N I AM BACK WHERE I STARTED WHY IS IT THAT THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT MAKE ME FEEL WORTH IT LIVE SO FAR AWAY WHY DO I FEEL SOO WORTHLESS BUT YET I KNOW I DO ALOT N HELP AS MENY AS I CAN B4 ME B4 WHAT PROBLEMS I HAVE B4 HOW I FEEL NO MATTER WHAT EVEN WHEN MY BEST FRIEND DIED HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND N YET I STILL HAD PEOPLE THERE CRYING N HELD STRONG AND SUPPORTED EVERYONE ELSE AND YET I GET SHIT THROWN BACK AT ME WHY DO I FEEL ALL ALONE WHEN THERES ARE SO MEANY OUT THERE BUT I JUST CANT TOUCH THEM AND YET I KEEP GOING AND I HOLD MY HEAD HIGH N MAKE SURE EVERYONE ELSE THINKS I AM FINE N I AM STRONG N I AM CONFIDENT AND I CAN HOLD THE WORLD ON MY SHOLDERS WHEN REALLY INSIDE I AM BIG AS A PEA AND I AM ALWAYS CROUCHED N CRYING YET NO ONE SEES ME FOR WHO I AM A FRIGHTENED MUMMY LIL GURL EVEN THO HER MOMMY BARELY NOTICES HER BUT ONE DAY WILL COME AND I WILL BREAK AND EVERYONE ELSE IS GONNA HAVE TO STAND FOR THEM SELVES AND NOT ME NOT ME SUPPORTING EVERYONE ELSE NOT ME DOING THINGS FOR OTHERS NOT ME STAYIN UP ALL DAY N ALL NIGHT JUST SO EVERYONE CAN TALK TO ME NOMORE BECAUSE ONEDAY WHEN I NEED EVERYONE N I CALL AND YALL DONT COME I WILL B GONE GONE FOREVER AND THEN THAT DAY WILL COME AGAIN N YALL WILL B SCREAMING FOR ME AND WHO WILL COME RUNNING BUT NO OONE NOT EVEN A BREEAZE BECAUSE I WILL B AT REST I WILL BE AT EASE WITH NO PAIN N NO CRYING N NO MORE HATE ON MY SELF THIS IS MY CONFESSION THIS IS ME FOR ALL OF U WHO THINK I AM STRONG N TOUGH I AM NOT I AM WEAK N BRITTLE N I COULD SNAP WITH JUST A FLICK I AM NOT ME I AM FAKE I AM FAKE IN THE WAY THAT YOU ALL SEE ME I AM NOT KIMMIE I AM KIMBERLY THE LIL GIRL ON THE INSIDE WHO IS AFRAID OF EVERYTHING THAT COMES TOWARDS HER ..SHE WILL NOT STAND N FIGHT RUN AT IT IN FULL PACE SHE IS NOT HARD HEADEDNORE STUBBORN ..BUT SHE IS THE ONE CRYING IN THE CORNER HIDING FROM EVERYTHING THAT COULD HURT HER THIS IS ME !!!

Friendships come and Friendships go Like wave upon the sand Like day and night Like birds in flight Like snowflakes when they land But you and I are something else Our friendship's here to stay Like weeds and rocks and dirty socks It never goes away! A BEST FRIEND A best friend is always there, whether you need advice, or a pep talk, or even a shoulder to cry on. A best friend listens with her heart and is always honest with you, even though the truth may not be what you want to hear. A best friend knows all your secrets, understands your fears shares your dreams. A best friend never stops believing in you even if you give up on yourself. you are that kind of friend to me. And no matter what happens, you always will be. You are my best friend.... my forever friend.

If I told you I loved you what would you say Would you tell you’re sorry you don’t feel the same way Or would you smile at me and say you never knew And admit that all along you’ve loved me too We can put an end to all this confusion Now we know are love isn’t just a delusion Its real it’s strong and comes from the heart From this day on we’ll never be apart I love you so much words can’t explain From this love alone we have a lot to gain

Too many things happened, Too many things have been told. And when I look at you all everything I do is bad. I tried. It seems like it's not enough. Now you see all I asked was you’re love... Even if you beg on your knees, It won't do me anything, you’re to late... And all the things we did together... It was all nothing... Let me alone You’re too late to help me... You have wasted you’re change forever... It wasn’t the same no more I can't take it no more...it is getting too much It ain’t good if I play this game any longer. I am going my own way. Our path ain’t one no more... Deep inside where I’m going... Don't come there no more. Why are you chasing me? What are you doing to me? I finally was that far that I could say: 'I can let you go' Now you see that you need me... Without me your life is empty Cause I would give everything up for you.. And I know I still love you I just want it that I could come back But you know it's pointless... It's too late and you know why Cause now you know that you miss me... Even if you beg on your knees, It won't do me anything, you’re too late... And all the thing we did together...it was all nothing... Lat me alone You’re too late to help me... You have wasted your change forever... It wasn’t the same no more

Inside the world it is hard to find Someone who cares about you. Even when I made plain mistakes You were here to help me see them through. You helped me with my problems (that all seemed to concern love) You helped when I needed it There is much more I can think of. You have always told me what I was And made me see who I really could be. You showed some aren't worth it And some did not deserve me. You always were there when I was ready to cry. You sat there with your tissues And looked me straight in the eye. You never pushed me away from you You always let me in. Even when I began to change Accept was all you did. You are the reason I am still here And that I am not gone. Without you I would have surely "Fallen" And I would never have the chance to get back up. You are my family. You are my only true friend. And we will always be like this Before and after the end.

Because of you... I found out what it meant To really love someone As much as I love you. Because of you... I learned there was more to life Than just what I saw And all I see now... is you. Because of you... I know what it is to feel special And have someone love me For who I am in every way. Because of you... I discovered what the word LOVE meant And to me LOVE is The way I feel when I see you.

If I only had words that held enough value to them to explain to you how I feel about you. This is the best way I can portray my feelings and have them truly mean something because it's from the heart. What I feel for you is impossible to put into words, I wouldn?t be able to put enough emphasis in the words "love" or "care." I couldn?t even begin to describe to you what it feels like to be this in LOVE with you, my world is turned around and upside-down. I think of you when I can?t see you, I listen for you when I can't hear you. I close my eyes, feel your smile taking every dream I ever had, and turning it into reality. I would give you the world in your hand if only you didn?t already hold my heart. I would do ANYTHING to make you happy! When I see you close to me I get lost in your eyes such beauty and honesty, I hang on your every word as your voice carries to my ears and makes a mark on my soul. I can feel your hands, so warm and forgiving, as they touch my face and hold my hands. Never have I before felt such purity in a kiss. Never have I felt such joy in a laugh. You look at me, and in a simple moment, I forget the worries of the world and feed off your love. You give me the strength to live every second of my life. You are my life, like a newfound blessing, you have proven to me that God creates miracles, I have seen one the day he sent you to me. I wake up each morning and thank the Lord for giving me such a person to live my life and grow beside me. I thank God for showing me that love isn?t just giving people gifts or telling someone you love them. Love is when you know you would die for a person. Love is when you know that you would protect this person in any situation. Love is when you know that the person you love loves you back. Love is the best feeling you will ever have. Well, leilani, this is the best I have ever felt, and I wouldn?t change a thing for the world. I LOVE YOU and cherish every second I spend with you; either on the telephone or when you?re near me. Please don?t ever forget it

FOR EVER YOURS Your love overwhelms the velvety depths of my inner soul with a warmth beyond the realm of conceptualization. Gazing into your stary eyes, exquisitley sculpted by God Himself... a captivating perfection I love to find myself lost in. One gentle touch from your soft hand purifies my heart with an amazing beauty and liberates my spirit to soar through the jeweled heavens where the angels adore our love. Forever and Always; the only times my innocent heart yearns to be intertwined amidst the wonderful sweetness of yours. Eternally in love...Forever Yours

When two pairs of eyes meet if the two hearts begins to beat then it is love When you look at someone if your eyes glow and the face is lit with happiness then it is love When you close your eyes if someone sits on the eyeball and smiles at you then it is love When you close your ears if someone stands on the earwall and greets you, "Hi" then it is love When you close your mouth if your lips whisper something to someone then it is love When you shut the door of your heart if someone is still found inside then it is love.