WHO IS JACK SCHITT?
For some time many of us have wondered just
who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when
someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well,
thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond
in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe
Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt,
the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one
son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The
deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie
Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and
the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt
married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After
being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt
divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and
because her kids were living with them, she wanted
to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe
Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and
they produced a son with a rather nervous
disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other
six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently
married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The
wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens
children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to
tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with
his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt,' you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt