After a turn of events this weekend that set my life in once again the hectic mess that has become much the norm, I began thinking. I know most usually a dangerous topic where I am concerned, but nonetheless these are the ramblings of nothingness I came up with.
Most people know what they want from life. Things they look for when finding that elusive "one true love: or when searching for ways to obtain their dream job. Aspirations, goals, desires: all part of what is " wanted from life."
I guess at one time I was much the same way. I wanted out of the small hell-hole of a town I once knew as home, to become a successful attorney, to find true love and live happily ever after. Well, a series of events called life got in the way of all those plans and everything I once "wanted". Now as cynical as it may seem I am no longer willing to live my life searching or striving to fulfill a list of "wants" instead I am approaching life in such a matter that I now know what " I do not want."
-I do not want my life to be unhappy or one in which I look back on with sorrow or regret
-I do not want to force someone to care about me or to love me; it should come naturally
-I do not want someone who puts their wants and needs in front of that of the relationship
-I do not want someone with hangups or addictions that will hinder who they are or the ability to find true happiness
-I do not want a coward who cannot face life headon or the circumstances they have created
-I do not want to go through life second guessing my decisions or left to wonder what is wrong
-I do not want to be seen as plain, ordinary or one of the crowd
-I do not want someone who is going to walk out or turn their back when crisis hits or things get rough
So while most know what they want in life and think once they have it they will be happy; I have been at the place where I had exactly what I wanted at the time, but nothing that I needed. True happiness escaped me.
So perhaps now as I approach another cornerstone in my life, it is time to focus on ME, and what makes ME happy. I am pretty sure that will be able to occur once I find exactly what I DO NOT WANT!
