I don't understand why im here.. i get treated like shit by the people i love (not all of them but hell most of them) but i can't fucking help it but still be there for them.
I don't understand why i have to treat her like a queen, i mean she defiantly should cause i wouldn't be here without her. but i feed her, i make sure she doesn't drop her cigarette on her brand new jacket, i make her coffee everytime she's askes, i do dishes, i do laundry, i never say no to her, i listen to all her problems, i go with her to her appointments cause most of the time she doesn't remember what the doctor says, the only thing i don't go to is her group cause i can't go to that. Hell i even dress her!!
I know shes on meds and i know they make her tired but when she fucking tells me that i treat her like shit.. how dare she say that! it really hurts.. it really fucking does! I feel like a servant and ya know what im getting tired of it, yes i don't have a car or my license or any money for that matter cause it all goes to her for bills and what does she do.. she spends it on fucking jewelry and make up!!! Am i wrong here or is this just a lil messed up?!
Yeah im sorry guys for like dumping all this on you, that is if you read this far haha but i just can't take it anymore, i can't even talk to her to tell her how i feel cause i know it will just stress her out more!
I do love her dearly but i don't like being treated this way.. is it bad for me to feel like this?
Anyways, thank you for listening to me, if you read this far! I love you all!!!
~Christine~
