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When people look at me, they think I am a happy-go lucky person.But in reality,I'm not.My heart breaks alittle more each day.I try to paste on a smile to fool people into thinking there is nothing wrong.I just feel like jumping off the highest cliff so everyone would be happy that I am gone.I love my kids and I would do anything for them but they are hurting and there is really nothing I can do for them except to try and be there for them.My daughter is only 2 so she is not sure whats going on but my 2 boys do.I hear it everyday from them that they love their dad but dont understand why he does what he does.13 yrs is a long time to just give up but it's over.I have cried so much that I can probably water a corn field with no problem.What I hate is that I dont have anyone to talk to.I am just at my wits end with everything and everyone.I keep asking myself,who wants a single mother of 3 kids?? Answer,noone!! I think the thing that hurts the most is that I still love him so much.Even after everything going on,I still love him and want him.But I know that its over and I am just gonna be a single mother who will never get married and will die alone.i wanted so much better for my kids.I have tried so hard to make things right but I guess I just didnt try hard enough.Sometimes I wish that I would fall asleep and never wake up.Maybe then he will be happy because then he wouldnt have to put up with me any longer.But I gotta be stronge or try to be for my kids.With their dad leaving,I have to be there for them no matter what.There goes what social life I had,which was nothing.
