The Creature of New Haven
By: Jennifer Crothers
Deep in the forest there lives this creature
He’s got shaggy hair and fangs for a feature
He’s never seen, but always heard
His movement is so quick he sores like a bird
He has many enemies and hardly any friends
He reaps what he sews and rips what he mends
Some think he’s a shadow, a myth, and just a name
Others, they fear him and are shunned out of shame.
He lurks around the small town of New Haven
He taunts all the locals with their heads he has shaven.
“It is I who can only have a full head of hair!”
“I’ll use every removal product, I’ll even use Nair!”
“Fear me you stupid moronic towns folk!
“I’ll pull pranks on your children; I’ll turn you into a joke!”
“Don’t try to find me; you’ll see not a trace”
“You wouldn’t find me if I slapped you all in the face”
“Back to the forest I go with flash”
“Nothing’s left for me here, not even your cash”
So off he went with the wind at his back
He ran so fast, the ground it did crack
The towns people were annoyed, and pissed to say the least
They must get rid of this creature, but not before the feast
After supper all the men took their leave
They got onto their horses and rolled up their sleeves
Into the forest these brave men did go
Their faces were hardened but worry still show
Deeper and deeper they went, but no creature in sight
They’d be able to see if the village idiot brought a light
No torches, no armor, only swords at hand
They wanted him out, and out they demand!
Just then a small rock was lubbed, through the air it did hurl
The group all stopped when an “ouch!” came from Earl
Earl fell to the ground after hit in the head
His friends they all gathered, they thought he was dead
They shook him and kicked him until Earl hissed
Then he got up and looked really pissed
His face was bright red and his eye was twitchin’
His lips were pure white, and his head he was itchin’
Forget all the horses, we’ll travel on foot
Don’t be such babies, it’s just fuckin’ soot!
Through the bushes and brush our heroes did go
Through day and through night, their pace started to slow
When on day seven, they finally gave up the chase
The men were all homesick and missed their wives face
They all turned around and started for home
Through the trees and marshes covered in foam
Their traveling subsided once back at the town
But when they arrived, the men they did frown
No wives in their houses, no children at their feet
Nothing there but gross garbage lining the street
To hell with this creature who has no name
“I’m tired of his antics and playing his game”
“I’ll find this beast” said the idiot Earl.
The men they all laughed and Earl’s stomach did curl
“Why you couldn’t catch a turtle” the men all did yell
“Screw this chase, and to hell with you Earl!”
“We’ve lost all our wives, and our children have followed”
“No more warm homes, for they’ve all been hallowed”
“Go find this creature and where he doth graze”
“And if you slay him, you’re name shall we praise”
So Earl set off into the forest again
No one by his side, not even his kin
Earl tromped and trotted through the muck and mud
“Those guys they all laugh and think I’m a dud”
When all of the sudden Earl heard a loud noise
The sound was of laughing and playing of toys
“The children!” Earl thought as he quickened his pace
“I hope they’re here and nearby this place”
Earl ran and ran till he thought he could die
When he came to a halt and started to cry
He came to a valley deep in the wood
The children all playing with toys as they should
The women were laughing and happy it seemed
“Am I just imagining? Is this all a dream?”
Just then the creature came up to Earl and gave him a wink
“I’m glad you are here, Earl! What do ya think?”
The creature seemed friendly and had all this planned
“The men want you out, that was their demand”
The creature just laughed and shook his head
“If it wasn’t for me all their families would be dead!”
“I did this for you, you silly old’ fool!”
“Surely you would notice, if you weren’t such a tool!”
Earl looked at the creature and realized what he meant
“The men all laughed at me, and away I was sent”
They think I’m a fool, a moron and shmuck
Well you’re not my good friend, because you’re in luck!
Earl’s eyes fell upon a beautiful sight
All the men’s women. “My God you are bright!”
“They’re all yours my good man, but on one condition…
you give me my land”
The Creature and Earl made a good deal
The creature kept his land, and Earl ate several good meals
No more slop from the gutters and trash off the street
The girls cooked him meals of potatoes and meat
Sense then, there are two creatures now taunting
They go to New Haven, and the men they be haunting.
