how do you cope with losing someone that you have known almost 20yrs? (if you had read the blog under this one youd know what im talking about)i knew him and his family since i was 7 and living in oxford which is 30 minutes away from me. idk what to do. ive dealt with death of friends and family before but damn 20 yrs of knowing someone you cant just push it aside and go on like nothing ever happened. if you can please tell me how the hell to do it. his funeral is wednesday and im not even allowed to attend it because his step mom said so(stupid bitch)and its out of state she dont want him burried here wtf. i cant even talk to his dad or his brother and sister and she calls here she calls from a blocked # so i cant call back or say that she has called. and theres no damn tellin what the hell she is sayin to me about me not going to be there. his obituary was never in the paper. which is weird seeing how he is OLE MISS alumni and has loads of friends there. and she wont even tell me how he died. which i guess some ppl would tell me its none of my business but damn it 20 freaking yrs of bein his friend and keepin his stupid ass step moms dirty lil secrets i think i deserve some answers about things. plus when i had talked to him several days before he was fine and happy he was himself yet at when i look back at our conversation and run it over and over in my head. its like he said goodbye his own way. and dont fuss at me for my run on sentences or not usin proper spellin aint in the mood. i just dont know what to do and i cant take it anymore. i really want to pitch one hell of a fucking fit but i know that wont make anything better or bring him back.
and to top that off im supposed to be somewhere next month and my ticket aint here yet. they told her to give it till wednesday(of all fucking days) or thursday. and if its not here by then she has to get a new one along with a new schedule. and i dont want a new one i want that one. cuz my brother and his dumb ass wife will be here. and i dont want to be around them while they are here.i want to be far far far away when they are that way i dont have to listen to their naggin and bitchin over the stupidest lil things. so if she has to get a new one she has to fork out 130 bucks again and new dates. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr anything and everything that can possibly go wrong for me has gone wrong in the last 3 days. im glad im not a drug head or a drinker. cuz id be fucked up as hell right now.
sorry i had to write and get that out cant hold that shit in
