bluefire's blog: "held hostage in every way"

I ask you to imagine this.....

I came to be with a man that i thought would love and be my friend for the rest of my life. Moved five states away from all that i know to take a chance that has proven to be a diaster that has now lead me to depend on practialy local date chat stranges for help to sustain my needs day to day and my sanity.I have endured great hurt time and time again since March from a man whom takes pleasure in my pain. Not seeking pitty just understanding. This is just a handful of things that i have allowed myself to be exposed to in my current life.

you know he's a dick when he spends your money you were saving to move where he is.
you know he's a dick when you have to unload a moving truck by yourself except for one glass top and
he doesn't insist on helping.
you know he's a dick when after you arrive the second time he sends a message to another woman
 (same day he ask you to come back btw) proclaiming you're not a keeper like her.
you know he's a dick when his friend comes over and they watch porn with you there.
you know he's a dick when he upsets you and you lose your appetite and he eats your food.
you know he's a dick when he would rather watch porn instead of coming to you.
you know he's a dick when he locks you out of his phone a computer because his chats on messenger have to be protected from reviling the truth. hmmm..
you know he's a dick when while skyping your grandbabies one ask to see him and he says i don't know the kid.
you know he's a dick when after he told u he doesnt want you in his life he then ask "wanna f#$@?"after
you know he's a dick when after all he's put you through you confront him with the hurt and he says stfu you had a roof over your head.
So yeah I'm stuck for awhile till i fund up to come home but i'd rather sleep out doors than in the bed with such a cold heartless dick.
This a message to all women far and wide be careful don't be so eager to be loved because anyone can say what they want and type it in black and white. If you're in a neglectful abusive relationship don't give it another day of your precious heart if you can leave now or asap it's not worth it. This is your life too.
 So I air my dirty laundry in hopes for support to all who know my heart it's broken and my life is uncertian i am woman enough to stand a say i was a fool to miss out on holding my grandbabies being there for my daughter and putting my friends and family aside. I was very wrong but I will bounce back and I am coming up with a fight because i know I'm not a doormat Ken Walker. You may not love me but there a hundreds out there that do.
 oh.....btw just cause her head is dry and her belly ain't growling don't mean she's happy... always , always the heart first women are really simple despite the talk.

what life is for me now is this and i ask you am i a hostage?

I came with no car mine was sold before the move and now I have no privilages to use the extra vechile that is sitting in drive.

I have been ask to get my shit out of his home but no way to get the boxes to pack.

My debit card has disappeared so i have no money to maintain my basic needs. I did order a new one but have been without the means of funds now for over a week and still not recieved in mail.

since he has ask that i leave he also stated he will no longer provide anything for me.

He stated that i am to return the phone in which he pays for that he is cutting off services. I keep the phone in my underwear so he doesn't phyiscally take it from me and i have challenged him to take it because that will be the only way i will give it up. He has attempted that once but no sucess.Not certain how that will go on next attempt.

I write to you now on my laptop in which he says the internet in which i'm streaming will be password protected meaning i will no longer be able to maintain contact with those who care.

He has stopped buying food for the house and now fends for himself goes out to get what he needs has now been a week that I have been eating what is left in the house. Didn't realize that he had cut me off from basic food until I ate the last two pieces of bread in the house, yes there is cans of tomatoe soup peanut butter 2 more sleeves of crackers water of course but no milk meat or things to make a meat.

I smoke so you can imagine if ur a smoker what it's like to have bad nerves and no cig. I asked if he would let me borrow money and truck for a few things from store and he said get to huffing it you won't take my car. Is this cruel acts in your mind am i a hostage? How much longer will I be able to endure the punishment from him?

I came to love this man instead I have found myself at the mercy of total stranges from a local chat here in wisconsin. I had met a good person who came to visit after he went to work. He in no way try to take advantage of me but lending a ear and support 2 doughnuts and a pack of cigs which i'm greatful, he promises to take me out tonight for a meal but i'm afraid if i leave he will lock me out then what?

Was it wrong for me to have a visitor? I sent him a message on his phone letting him know i had someone that was coming to pay a visit console me and be a friend. The response I got from him was This is my damn house no one comes in it to help you.

Shouldn't i feel hostage? No resources allowed just me to sit here day in day out like a sitting duck...