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What are you waiting for?
Let me explain something to you all.. my dear "friends".... I am Single. That means I can date WHOEVER THE FUCK I WANT. That doesn't make me a Bitch. That doesn't make me a Whore. That doesn't make me a liar. That makes me 24 goddamn years old and not wanting to be in another fucked up relationship yet. Ok! Yall wanna know the story? I'll fucking tell you...
I met sean when I was 21. We got 3 kids. he put me through hell.. ask anyone! I put up with be called a Bitch, a fat whore, a "dirty butt slut", a cunt, gross, disgusting, ANYTHING he could come up with.. He'd scream at me over everything... He cheated on me all the time... He'd sleep on the couch when I was pregnant if I wouldn't sleep with him because I was in pain... or he'd do it anyway... I found his ass with another woman ON MOTHER'S DAY while i was 6 months pregnant. He brought this bitch to the hospital when I gave birth. She saw my kids before me! I will NEVER get that back.
Stupid me decided to work it out. he start using METH.. yes meth.. I knew he was an addict when I met him so I thought.. what right do I have to judge? I don't know what it was like to be addicted to something... he went to jail.. and I stayed... because I"m a stupid girl... I just couldn't bare the thought of my family falling apart...
When he got out when he got out he stayed with Izzie at the hospital when we were going through all that... and he'd tell me i was a bad mom for not being up there with her. nevermind that I was the ONLY one working and we had 2 other kids that needed to be cared for. He'd tell me that he was fucking the nurses. He'd ignore my calls when I called to check on izzie... it was horrible...
he came home and i had his shit by the door and of course he talked me into letting him stay but 3 days later I came home form working 3rd shift and going to school... and he was still in bed our kids unfed. My parents were on their way over to get the kids and I told my dad I wanted him gone... so.. there was a huge fight and Sean was gone...
I have never been scared of another human in my life but Sean scared the fuck out of me... he wanted to come home and I wouldn't let him... he told me he was going to kill himself on my front porch... he was gonna hurt me... he was doing anything he could to get me to come back... I still talked to him... let him see the kids but I was really scared.. he'd get in my car and not get out.. he tried to grab the wheel once... It took Danielle calling my mother and telling her to help me before I could get away... I was worried about what my family would think.. I'd already taken a lot of shit from them because how I allowed him to treat me... but we got a TPO...
The TPO has been up since Feb. he was trying to get back with me after he broke up with girlfriend number 2 and then get got with girlfriend number 3 broke up with her and tried to get back with me and yes I thought about it.. but then I had to remember the hell I went though... Now he has a wife and I allow him to see the kids... We don't talk about anything, we aren't friends...
It's hard for me to say why i loved him... when i met him he was so kind.. he was funny and we had a lot of fun... and I loved him very much... but he never loved me back and he did A LOT of damage... I am so embarrassed by the way I allowed another person to treat me.. I am ashamed and I know what you're thinking... I think it all the time... Well, it's your fault for staying....
But not matter... THAT is why I am not ready to be with anyone.. THAT is why I date... SO FUCK YOU! don't ever call me a whore or a liar or a bitch... You don't get to judge who I choose to repair my broke soul... He didn't just break my heart.. he destroyed me as a person...
