Have you ever been so mad you didn't know how to react? I'm not going into details, but the last few days I've wanted to kill people. I know most of my anger has been misdirected in the first place, I am ready to go home, and have a week left, and it is frustrating as hell. I feel like I am not a part of my family anymore, don't get me wrong, I know I am, but being away from them for so long hurts bad. Before I took this job I was working twelve to thirteen hour nights, so I barely saw my family at all. I saw my oldest two pretty much on the weekends only, I got home from work and went to bed before they were awake for school, and I left for work before they got home. I saw my youngest two for about an hour maybe two everyday, and the same with my wife. I took this new job, which I love by the way, but one and a half weeks after I started, I was sent to Japan for five weeks. And when I go home, I will be home for four days, then I go to Texas for eight more days, then I am home for a while (Thank God). I feel like I'm not there for my family, even though I am working hard for them. And during the day, at home that is, I will be working eight hour days, and making more than I did at my last job working twelve to thirteen hour nights. Plus the benefits totally rock!
Anyway my wife and I got into an argument starting Saturday night (its Monday night now, well for me), and I know I blew the situation out of proportion. But I couldn't help it. To me she could have put herself and my kids into danger (she didn't mind you, but she could have), that and I asked here not to do something, and she did it anyway, and well I also asked her not to do something else, but I have a feeling she is still doing it (and no it’s not sex or drugs or anything like that). And well if I was home the situation would never have happened. And I guess that's the real reason I was so pissed off. I feel helpless while I am here in Japan. The first week or two was okay, I was having fun, and I know my kids were driving my wife crazy, but she was managing pretty well, at least that's what she tells me! LOL! But she hurt her back, and the kids are all getting sick as winter comes, and I know it's tough for her. And here I am in another country not able to do a damn thing. Then all of a sudden she does something that turned out okay, but could have had a disastrous ending. And I fucking flew off the handle. I normally don't lose my cool like I did, and boy did I lose it! It took all my strength to stay put in the hotel, and not go kick the living shit out of somebody. I honestly have NEVER been that pissed before. I am still upset about it, but not as near as I was. My wife is a good person, and she did not deserve the attack I ensued upon her. Yeah I think she was wrong, but it didn’t deserve my reaction, I was way out of control and irrational. And Sue if your reading this I am sorry I treated you the way I did, I know I have told you that already, but I am literally at my wits end here.
To top it all off half the time Sue and I talk, my boy doesn’t want to talk to me. He is upset that I did not take him to Japan with me, and he is a good boy, and I know he misses and loves me, but to me it seems like he feels that I abandoned him. We have always been close, and this is the longest we have been apart from each other. He started to get sick pretty much right after I left, and that kills me to know that. I just hope when I come home he can handle me being there for a few days, and then leaving for another week. I don’t think he will, but he is smart, and is always telling Sue he loves her, and asking if she is okay, so for a three year old, he is becoming the man of the house, making sure the women are okay! Sue will ask him were daddy is, and he’ll reply at work, then Sue will ask him where, and he’ll say in Yapan. Then he’ll go on a roll about how I didn’t take him. It’s cute as hell, but it stings too. Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest, I’ve been mad way to long, and it’s not worth steaming over something that I blew out of proportion. Thanks for listening to me vent. Hope all is well!
Later Gators,
-Fred Jr.
