I was recently asked, “Who are you really?” Now the question itself was a loaded question, and the context it was used in was looking for an answer that was simple, yet descriptively complex (if that makes sense). Of course I had to put a lot of thought into the question and I came up with a perfect answer, which conveys everything in a very simple way, which I will reveal at the end of this blog. But until then, here are some of the thoughts and memories I came up with to help formulate who I am, what I am, the very fiber of my being per se…which means I have to cover some history so prepare for some reading:
I will start with the basics the description, the age, etc... My name is Fred Harley, I am a junior, and there is a family tradition with names and sons. It goes back a ways, I’m not sure how many generations but my dad is Fred Harley, my grandfather is Harley Fred, his dad was Fred Fred, etc, etc, etc... And I have named my son Harley Fred after my grandfather, a man that I love and respect. I am a 31 year old male. I was born in Nebraska, in 1974. I am 6’0” and weigh about 200 lbs even. My eyes change colors depending on mood, they are usually a greenish-blue (more green) with yellow flecks, but get really blue if I’m in the mood, and stone grey when I’m pissed off or stressed out. My nose is slightly crooked (been broke), and I shave about once a month now. But when I shave it is the whole head, face and head…bic it all…and my wife usually does it, for me. I just hate shaving (I didn’t mind doing it so much pre-military, but when you have to do it everyday…), well that and she likes to primp and prune her man (well that’s what she tells me…honestly).
I come from a good family, even though my parents divorced when I was young. I have great memories growing up, and got to do a lot more than most kids. Mom moved to California where her family lived, dad stayed in Nebraska where his family was, so we did a lot of traveling in between. But the traveling was fun; we were able to see a lot of America, took different routes every time, learning a lot about the history of the regions we traveled through. Even though I sometimes feel like I let my parents down (what kid doesn’t), I know I make them proud. They have always pushed hard for a good education, a good career, a good life, and I have accomplished most of that…yes I have had a few set backs, but who hasn’t.
Right out of high school (like not even a month after graduation), I started college, for me that was a mistake; I ended up dropping out (before I got kicked out). I worked a few dead end jobs, until my brother came to me and said, “Hey, I’m joining the Navy, you should join too.” So, I checked it out, and ended up joining with him in the brother duty program. This was fun, because we went to boot camp together, and were in the same division, which caused a little confusion with the company commanders…LMAO While I was in the Navy, I married a nice girl, however, that marriage didn’t work out and not long after I left the service we divorced (no kids). I don’t harbor any hard feelings for my ex-wife, we just were not meant to be together. After the Navy I started going back to school and I received my Associates Degree in Computer and Electronics Technology, basically a glorified engineering technician. I am currently working on my bachelor’s degree.
I met my current wife, whom some of you are friends (or family) with, while living in Florida. She is a wonderful, intelligent, extremely beautiful, caring, and actually loves me…despite all my faults, and god knows I have a lot of them!!! When we met she had two beautiful daughters, one with her (Katie), and one living in Ohio (Courtney) with her dad (the daughter’s father). She was only planning on being in Florida for a few months, but we met, fell in love, and she ended up staying there for about a year (waited till my son was born). After I found a company to manage the house for me (i.e. rent it out, maintain the property, etc.), we packed up and moved to Ohio. The thing is we pretty much started over. Got rid of almost everything, when we moved we had almost nothing, our Blazer, a trailer to haul the items we decided to keep, and that was it. We stayed with Sue’s sister until we could find a place to live, which was okay, but kind of tough…
I found a great job, and we moved into a two bedroom apartment, at first it seemed nice, but as time went on we found out just how bad the owner/manager was, hell all she cares about is the monthly rent check, something goes wrong in the apartment, it could take months to get it fixed. So when the lease was up we moved out. We now have a nice 3 townhouse bedroom, and we had to move anyways because we needed a bigger place with the addition of our youngest daughter. Of course things are not all that rosy, don’t get me wrong, our marriage is great, but we have had another addition to our family, which I am thankful for, but the cost of the addition is causing my wife, and her daughter a lot of pain.
Her daughter, Courtney, whom she has blogged about, now lives with us on a full time basis. The circumstances to which Courtney has come into our custody are sad though. Courtney’s dad and step-mom were charged with domestic violence (on each other) about 7 months ago, (they separated soon after) and since then she has been living with us. Now she has a half sister and 2 half brothers that her dad has fathered with her step mom, and all 4 kids go to his house every other weekend for visitation. The thing is, he treats Courtney like she is a step child, and not blood, makes promises he has no intentions of keeping, His parents are exactly the same way, when him and his wife first separated he lived with his parents (in fact him moving out of his parents house is a recent development), and they would pick the other kids up and not Courtney, it wasn’t until a big deal was made out of it, that Courtney was picked up too. But even then the others were picked up Friday right after school and brought back to their mom’s Sunday night, where Courtney was picked up Saturday evenings and dropped of early Sunday mornings. Another example of this kind of crap, on one of Courtney’s dad’s weekends, he dropped Courtney off early Sunday morning, and then took the rest of the kids to the zoo. When they got back, the older two told Courtney where they went. Naturally Courtney came to us balling her eyes out, and wanted to call her father, which Sue allowed her to do, and he told her, “We didn’t go to the zoo; we went to Krogers to buy groceries.” Now she knew her dad just lied to her, but it wasn’t his fault, it was ours, and thus the cost, the pain.
The problem is that this happens all the time, he constantly excludes her from things, and we live close enough to her step-mom (almost next door) to where she plays with her brothers and sister everyday, that and she goes to the same school as them, and they tell her what they do with their dad. He lies to her to try to hide it from her, and she knows he lies, and busts him in the lies, so he’ll promise to take her to Chuck ’E’ Cheeses or buy her something, then won’t deliver, and will make up another lie to cover up why he couldn’t deliver. It’s a vicious cycle, and my wife catches the brunt force of it. Of course Sue is filing for full custody, and hopefully the magistrate (or judge) will award it, and we have gotten her into counseling, and group therapy, which I am actually surprised that Courtney is really excited about.
Okay now that I have gotten the history part out of the way I guess I can get on with my personality, now that’s a tough one for me, because I am not your average person. First and fore most I am a loving husband and daddy. Most of my friends say I’m unique, which is a polite way of saying I’m strange. In fact I am a bit on the fucked up side. I think everyone should run around butt-ass naked all the time; it would definitely bring back a lot more honesty in the world. I mean think about it, nothing to hide appearance wise! I am comfortable with whom I am, and what I look like, after all why should I hate who I am? I am pretty laid back and easy going. I tend to get along well with others and am comfortable with talking with complete strangers. Basically my life is an open book. I am a romantic at heart, and a freak in bed, and believe there is a difference between making love and having sex. I can be a nice guy, or a complete asshole (sometime both at the same time), and have an extremely warped sense of humor. My mind is usually in the gutter (way in the gutter), and when it’s not in the gutter it’s teetering on the curb. I take pride in my work, and take it personally when I’m told it’s not good enough, especially when I bust my ass to do it. I enjoy all types of activities, from spending time with my family to curling up with a good book. I also like the outdoors, camping, hiking, hunting, geocaching, photography, etc, but I don’t necessarily have to be active. Lying under a nice shade tree, in the soft grass on a hot summer day, with a nice breeze, or enjoying a relaxing day listening to waves crashing on the beach are just as fun.
I also have my nerdy ass geeky side; yes I said it I’m a nerd. I’m into electronics and computers. I’m an electronics technician for a living, and it’s also one of my favorite hobbies. I like to design and build circuits, and I enjoy the challenge of troubleshooting broken electronics, hence my career path. I actually work on the manufacturing side of it, and test products in various stages of production, which to me seems to be more of a challenge than an already established product. The only reason I say this, is because most of the stuff I work on still has a few bugs in it, and trying to figure them out is a royal pain in the ass, it even gets the engineers’ panties in a bunch half the time!!! It does get stressful at times, but that adds to the excitement of the challenge, and makes it that much more rewarding when the problems are solved.
This brings me to my next personality trait, problem solver; that is I try to solve problems, and that tends to get me into trouble. I like to help people in need. There have been several times I have needed help, and have received it. So when someone has a problem and needs my help, I try to help solve the problem. And I usually bite off way more than I can chew. Things turn out good in the end most of the time, but they get a little rough in the middle of the road. It’s not as bad as it sounds, but I have financially hurt myself on more than one occasion, but to me it went for a good cause, and the damage was repaired within a month or so. However, it could have gone the other way and I could have been screwed and been in a bad way. But on one of the occasions the person I was helping, had done the same for me a few years earlier, so I was paying back a favor (even though he claimed I didn’t owe him anything and tried not to accept my help). But the way I see it, if you help me and even if you don’t expect to be paid back, if you need help later down the road, I’m there for you if I can be.
I can be judgmental at times, but it usually comes after I get to know someone. Very rarely does it come before hand; I am also pretty opinionated at times. I do value peoples’ opinions of me, whether they are good or bad, but ultimately it only matters what I think of myself, I am not conceited, I just feel that my self worth is more important, and if I let what others think of me get to me, especially the negative stuff (which I know there are those out there who don’t really like me) than I would become one of the millions of Americans on anti-depressants…and that isn’t going to happen!!!
This is just a very small and brief touch on who I am. I could take this so much deeper but I know I am probably boring you all to death (I know you have to be close to it already…LOL). So in response to the question, “Who are you really?”
My perfect answer is, “I am me!”
