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A update on Me for anyone who bothers to read this. I had a biopsy in the throat and guess what Cancer ofcourse it is now the 3rd time I will undergo surgery in My throat . This Time will not be as invasive as last one when they removed the Lymphs from the left side of my throat this is suposed to be a easy heal fast one I hope it is. so anyways thats my latest news got to keep on keeping on and go with the flow ! thanks for reading this Ancient1

On Nov 6th it would have been My Wifes 53rd Birthday on the 7th marked 6 months of Her passing 3 days after our 28th Aniversery .You would think the paine would be less it is just as bad as Day 1 just not as freuquent. We were verry close do to illness and she was given 1 to 2 years to live 16 years ago . She fought valliantly but was tired and asked forgiveness and left .I had so much to do for Her now i have nothing but time and longing .


I hate wakeing up and finding fucking snow on my car !






Subject: The Bathtub Test ...

    During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

    "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

    "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

    "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.  Do you want a bed near the window?"      

I love this Doctor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO .. Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans  eat lots of sausages and fats
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you...

These are from a book  called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are 
things people  actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now 
published by  court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while 
these  exchanges were actually taking place

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at  all? 
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your  memory? 
WITNESS: I forget. 
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us  an example of something you forgot?  

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true  that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the  next morning? 
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?  

ATTORNEY: The  youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? 
WITNESS: He's  twenty, much like your IQ.  

ATTORNEY: Were  you present when your picture was taken? 
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?  

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?  
ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
WITNESS: None.  
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?  

ATTORNEY: How was your first  marriage terminated? 
WITNESS: By death. 
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the  individual? 
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.  
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
WITNESS: Unless the Circus  was in town I'm going with male.  

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance  here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your  attorney? 
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.  

ATTORNEY: Doctor,  how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
WITNESS:  All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.  

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 

ATTORNEY: Do you  recall the time that you examined the body? 
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30  p.m. 
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I  finished. 

ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?  

And the  best for last: 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you  performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the  autopsy? 
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?  
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.  
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law..


An old  man lived alone in New Jersey .  He wanted to plant his annual 
tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.  I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden.. That's where the bodies are buried.

At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the
entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,

My first day of employment
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had  been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't  twins The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection. The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for me?' The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?' She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her. Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. 'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man. 'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer. 'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer. The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked. 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.' 'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.' 'Listen lady, I'm 70 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here.'
Why it's important to understand English... I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. In the shortest line there was just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations". The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too!"
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