K Oss's blog: "green love"

please forgive me. please listen to what i have to say. please hold my hand. please call me out every time i wrong you. please accept me despite my faults. please let me be yours. please kiss me. please listen to my truths and forget my lies. please let me start over. please love me for what i am. please leave a message after the beep. please look into my eyes. please put your arms around me. please answer if i call you at midnight. please forget this ever happened. please. please don't assume that i'm just like her. please get me a drink. please drink with me. please treat me like you treat your sweetie. please tell me a secret. please come back to me. please don't make me feel guilty for being different. please kiss me again. please whisper "i love you." please let me feel your heart beat. please put your hand on my chest and feel mine. please don't tell me something that even you don't believe. please tell me what you want me to be. but most of all, please forgive me.

so, eventually all things come down to the point where you have to make a decision, and mine is this: i can't live like this anymore. or more accurately, i cant be dead like this anymore. it's a different state of mind; an opportunity to be just me, not this half-concious mockery of the strenght i lost somewhere along the way. i wish i could say i arrived at this place on my own, but i'm just the body, you are the vessel. kisses fell upon my face like rain, beautiful and bittersweet. each drop soothes, and i realize that the world still holds so much for me. now i want this moment to last, to linger; i dont want it to fade in a cloud of smoke. Terror and nightmares still cling and chase; it doesn't matter. i love you and that's something worth remembering.

it's easy to stop smiling when backs are turned. that's when it's ok to bear the fangs. the ones you sink into trusting necks. They'll never know who wounded them! the fangs sink deeper into backs than they ever could face to face. but you already know that. and you know how much more pain jumps through the body when the cut is deep; the harsh criticisms spread and the damage is done. and all the while you're distracted by your own self pitying, self promoting evil. it may be unseeing, but it keeps you busy and concealed. your biting inconsistencies will be your downfall.

When you crawl into bed you always pull the blankets too tight you can lay your drunken head on my pillow soft and white it's always black circles around your eyes darker still such dead slumber will get you nowhere in the end do you wish someone was there to rock you to sleep and hold you near? well, that won't be me do you dream at all? i don't believe you do Tilly and the Wall

today i sat in that coffee shop booth. i looked around. everything was exactly the same as it has ever been, and yet, it all seemed so hauntingly unfamiliar. it was like a negative; everything was the right shape, but the wrong color... the right place, but the wrong order. or something... and as i glanced at the other people in the room, each one usually so different from the others, i saw absolutely nothing. everybody was nothing, and it felt like truth. i think i'm grying to tell myself something, but because of you i'm refusing to listen to what i have to say. overexposed and underdeveloped, disregard me. i don't matter.

i used to write a lot... sometimes i still do... i will post some of my compositions.