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545225's blog: "FUNNY!!!!!!"

created on 05/11/2007  |  http://fubar.com/funny/b81624

If A Man Wants YOU!

IF A MAN WANTS YOU If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or is in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE THE HINT.............. Love and Blessings Sweets x
For those of you who heard it, this is the article Dee Lee was reading this morning on a New York radio station. For those of you who didn't hear it, this is very deep and true! BLACKS DON'T READ. This is a heavy piece and a Caucasian wrote it. THEY ARE STILL OUR SLAVES we can continue to reap profits from the Blacks without the effort of physical slavery. Look at the current methods of containment that they use on themselves: IGNORANCE, GREED, and SELFISHNESS. Their IGNORANCE is the primary weapon of containment. A great man once said, "The best way to hide something from Black people is to put it in a book." We now live in the Information Age. They have gained the opportunity to read any book on any subject through the efforts of their fight for freedom, yet they refuse to read. There are numerous books readily available at Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.com, not to mention their own Black Bookstores that provide solid blueprints to reach economic equality (which should have been their fight all along), but few read consistently, if at all. GREED is another powerful weapon of containment. Blacks, since the abolition of slavery, have had large amounts of money at their disposal. Last year they spent 10 billion dollars during Christmas, out of their 450 billion dollars in total yearly income (2.22%). Any of us can use them as our target market, for any business venture we care to dream up, no matter how outlandish, they will buy into it. Being primarily a consumer people, they function totally by greed. They continually want more, with little thought for saving or investing. They would rather buy some new sneaker than invest in starting a business. Some even neglect their children to have the latest Tommy or FUBU, and they still think that having a Mercedes, and a big house gives them "Status" or that they have achieved the American Dream. They are fools! The vast majority of their people are still in poverty because their greed holds them back from collectively making better communities. With the help of BET, and the rest of their black media that often broadcasts destructive images into their own homes, we will continue to see huge profits like those of Tommy and Nike. (Tommy Hilfiger has even jeered them, saying he doesn't want their money, and look at how the fools spend more with him than ever before!). They'll continue to show off to each other while we build solid communities with the profits from our businesses that we market to them. SELFISHNESS, ingrained in their minds through slavery, is one of the major ways we can continue to contain them. One of their own, Dubois said that there was an innate division in their culture. A "Talented Tenth" he called it. He was correct in his deduction that there are segments of their culture that has achieved some "form" of success. However, that segment missed the fullness of is work. They didn't read that the "Talented Tenth" was then responsible to aid The Non-Talented Ninety Percent in achieving a better life. Instead, that segment has created another class, a Buppie class that looks down on their people or aids them in a condescending manner. They will never achieve what we have. Their selfishness does not allow them to be able to work together on any project or endeavor of substance. When they do get together, their selfishness lets their egos get in the way of their goal. Their so-called help organizations seem to only want to promote their name without making any real change in their community. They are content to sit in conferences and conventions in our hotels, and talk about what they will do, while they award plaques to the best speakers, not the best doers. Is there no end to their selfishness? They steadfastly refuse to see that TOGETHER EACH ACHIEVES MORE (TEAM)! They do not understand that they are no better than each other because of what they own in fact, most of those Buppies are but one or two paychecks away from poverty. All of which is under the control of our pens in our offices and our rooms. Yes, we will continue to contain them as long as they refuse to read, continue to buy anything they want, and keep thinking they are "helping" their communities by paying dues to organizations which do little other than hold lavish conventions in our hotels. By the way, don't worry about any of them reading this letter, remember, 'THEY DON'T READ!!!! BLACKS DON'T READ’ (Prove them wrong. Please pass this on! After Reading it)
St. Peter came to the Lord and said, "Lord, I have to talk to you. > > > > > >I have a problem. I know we didn't have many Jamaicans in heaven so > > > > > >you instituted an affirmative action plan and we are supposed to have > > > > > >10,000 Jamaicans in heaven. But they are causing so many problems! > > > > > >They have torn down the Pearly Gates by swinging on them. > > > > > >They have let in another 10,000 of their bredrin through the fence. > > > > > >They are constantly standing by the gate disturbing Angel Gabriel > >begging > > >for > > > > > >a "bly" for their baby modder, cousin, sistren, neighbour, granny, > > >auntie... > > > > > >Whenever it is their turn to watch the gates they keep letting in > > > >good > > > > > >looking women and fat women. > > > > > >They have stolen my harp. > > > > > >They have gotten jerk sauce all over their white robes. > > > > > >Drum pan chicken is being sold all over the Streets of Gold. > > > > > >Some are walking around with only one wing because they are "styling" > > > > > >Angels must have two wings to fly! Some of them have put on chrome > >wings > > >and > > > > > >dazzling the other angels when they are flying. > > > > > >The white robes are eternal and must be washed five times a day. Some > > > > > >haven't washed their robes since they arrived because they didn't > >come > > > > > >to heaven do "day's work". > > > > > >Some have refused to take their turn in helping keep the Stairway to > > > > > >Heaven clean > >because "dem ah no boddy helper". > > > > > >Many who came here because they used salt are still using it because > > > > > >they don't like "ital" food. > > > > > >Some refuse to wear their halos because they don't fit right over > > > > > >their hairstyles. Others are wearing their halos backways. Others are > > > > > >wearing their halos with the tags still attached to them. Others have > > >discarded the > > > > > >white halos and are wearing gold ones instead they claim these are " > > >bashy". > > > > > >Most of the women have discarded their white robes and are wearing > >white > > > > > >shorts and "batty riders" claiming that they have pretty skin and > >want > > > > > >to show off their "bandylegs". > > > > > >Reggae music is blasted at all hours of night at their > >"bashments", > > >dsturbing all the other residents. > > > > > >Their cellular phones are worn on their robes and keeps ringing > >during > > >prayers. > > > > > >Recently there was an altercation between Adam and one Jamaican who > >claims > > > > > >he was only "checking out" Eve. > > > > > >They have planted marijuana in the Garden of Eden since the soil is > >so > > >fertile claiming > > > > > >"man and man haffi hustle". > > > > > >What should I do?!" > > > > > >The Lord said; "It wouldn't be fair to not let Jamaicans in heaven. > > > > > >They have just as much right to be here as other nationalities. Maybe > >we > > > > > >just don't know how to deal with them; maybe we are using the wrong > > >approach. > > > > > >We need to check with someone who has more > >experience dealing with > >them. > > > > > >Let's call the Devil. > > > > > >The Devil answered the phone and said, "Hello, Lord. What can I do > >for > > >you?" > > > > > >The Lord said, "We have a problem up here, and we'd like to talk to > >you > > >about it." > > > > > >The Devil said, "Just a minute, I've got to put you on hold. "The > >Devil > > >was gone five minutes. > > > > > >He came back to the phone and said, "OK Lord, I'm back. > > > > > >What's up?" > > > > > >The Lord said, "Well, I would like to talk to you about a problem up > > >here." > > > > > >Once again the Devil excused himself and put the Lord on hold. > > > > > >This time he was gone for fifteen minutes. Finally, the Devil came > >back to > > >the phone and said, > > > > > >"Lord, I am really > >sorry, but I can't talk to you right now. I have > >to go. > > > > > >These damn Jamaicans down here..... Yesterday they had air > >conditioning > > > > > >installed. Now they have just extinguished Hell's Fire, saying "man > >come > > > > > >to Hell fe 'chill'.

Mi Grannee!!!

An old couple in Jamaica was puzzled when the coffin of their dead relative arrived from foreign. The corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that her face was practically touching the glass cover. When they opened the coffin, they found a letter pinned to her chest which read: Dear Mama and Papa: Mi a sen yu wha lef a Puncie fi di funeral dung deh inna Jamaica. Sarry seh mi couldn't mek di funeral cause dem seh di expenses dem too high. Yu wi find inside a di coffin, unda Puncie body: 12 can a Bully Beef 12 bottle a Posner Shampoo 12 bottle a Posner Conditioner 12 bottle a Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion 12 tube a Colgate toothpaste Pon Puncie body is a brand new pair a Nike (size 8) fi Keefa. Unda Puncie head is four pair a Nike fi Boysie son dem. Puncie a wear six Fubu t-shirt - one is fi Trevor and di rest fi im son dem. Puncie a wear one dozen Wonder Bras (a fi mi favorite), jus devide dem mongst the likkle gal dem inna di district. Di two dozen Victoria Secret panty dem dat Puncie have on is fi mi nieces and mi cousin dem. Puncie also have on eight Levi pants, tek one fi yuhself and give di rest of dem to di likkle boy boy dem whey work pon Papa truck. Di Swiss diman watch yu did ask mi fa de pan Puncie lef wris and di tings dem wha yu did sen come beg mi for Mama (di earrings, ring and chain), dem is where dem suppose fi wear pon Puncie body, please tek dem before anybody come fi view di body. I hope seh yu get everyting alright. Di damn palitishan dem mek yu haffe tief all kina way fi get tings eena di kuntri. God bless yu and keep yu, Your loving daughter, Babsie P.S. Mi a beg yu find a dress fi Puncie bury eenna.

Intresting facts!

> > > If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced > enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. > > > > (Hardly seems worth it.) > > > > > >If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced > to create the energy of an atomic bomb. > > > > (Now that's more like it!) > > > > > > The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to > squirt blood 30 feet. > > > > (O.M.G.!) > > > > > > > > A A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. > > > > (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) > > > > > > > > A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to > death. (Creepy.) > > > > > > > (I'm still not over the pig.) > > > > > > > > Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour > > > > > (Don't try this at home, maybe at work) > > > > > > > > The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its > body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. > > > > > > ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!") > > > > > > > >The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the > length of a football field. > > > (30 minutes.. lucky pig! Can you imagine?) > > > > > > > > The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. > > > > (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) > > > > > > > > > > Some lions mate over 50 times a day. > > > > > > > (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) > > > > > > > > Butterflies taste with their feet. > > > > (Something I always wanted to know.) > > > > > > > > The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. > > > > (Hmmmmmm......) > > > > > > > > Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed > people. > > > > > > > (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) > > > > > > > > Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. > > (okay, so that would be a good thing) > > > > > > > > A cat's urine glows under a black light. > > > > > > (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) > > > > > > > > An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. > > > > (I know some people like that.) > > > > > > > > Starfish have no brains > > > > (I know some people like that too.) > > > > > > > > Polar bears are left-handed. > > > > > > > (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) > > > > > > > > Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. > > > > (What about that pig??) > > > > > > > >Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy > facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a > chuckle)...In other words, send it to everyone. >

Three jamaican sons

May you always be blessed! Three Jamaican sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give to their elderly mother: The first son said, "Mi bill a big house wid land an gi mama." The second son said, "Mi sen har a cris Benz wid a driver" The third smiled and said, "Mi beat di 2 a unnu. Yuh memba how Mama use to love fi read har Bible? An yuh know seh she cyaan see too good. Mi sen har a Church parrot dat recite di entire Bible. It tek di elders inna di church 15 years fi teach im. Im exclusive man. Mama jus ha-fi name di chapter an di verse, an di parrot wi recite it." Soon thereafter, Mother sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "A weh duh yuh bwoy, a chupid yuh chupid suh. Di house yuh bill too big. A mi one live inna one room, but mi always ha fi a clean di whole house." "Winston," she wrote to another, "Yuh a eediat, yuh dun know mi too old fi travel. Mi always inna di yard, suh mi nuh use di Mercedes an di driver im too dyam facey!" "Dearest Delroy," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense fi know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
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