SHORTY's blog: "FUNNY"

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. Note: patient here-recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 22. Skin: somewhat pale but present 23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping, his letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head office to a customer in Oxford: Dear Mrs. Murray, While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to Feminine products aisle. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing Department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove. 7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it. 9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were. 10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again." And; last, but not least: 14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here." Yours sincerely, Charles Brown Store Manager