TheGirlWhoWaited AKA Blinky's blog: "Funny :)"

A teacher was talking to her grade one students about stuttering. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard! "That must've been scary", said the teacher. "It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the rottweiler ate him!"

Murphy's Lesser-Known Laws Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Try it! Pick the month you were born: January--I kicked February--I loved March--I smoked April--I dry humped May--I choked on June--I murdered July--I did the Macarena with August--I had lunch with September--I danced with October--I sang to November--I yelled at December--I ran over Pick the day (number) you were born on: 1-------a birdbath 2-------a monster 3-------a phone 4-------a fork 5-------a Superhero 6-------a gangster 7-------my cell phone 8-------my dog 9-------my best friends' boyfriend 10-------my neighbor 11-------my science teacher 12-------a banana 13-------a fireman 14-------a stuffed animal 15-------a goat 16-------a pickle 17-------your mom 18-------a spoon 19-------myself 20-------a baseball bat 21-------a ninja 22-------Chuck Norris 23-------a noodle 24-------a squirrel 25-------a football player 26-------my sister 27-------my brother 28-------an ipod 29-------a permanent marker 30-------a llama 31-------A homeless guy Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: White----------because I'm cool like that Black-----------because that's how I roll. Pink------------because I'm naked. Red------------because the voices told me to. Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want Green---------because I hate myself. Purple---------because I'm cool. Gray----------because I was drunk Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars Orange-------because I love my family. Brown--------because I was high. Other-------because I'm a ninja. None--------because I can't control myself

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50 If you are not over 50, this is what you have to look forward to. 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you ???? 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm. 9. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 13. You sing along with elevator music. 14. Your eyes won't get much worse. 15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 18 Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 19. You can't remember who sent you this list?

A little flab? One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said... "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said.... "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response... So she rolled over and grabbed him by his 'DANGLER.' With a death grip in place, she said... "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man and your brother!"

Math Does Not Lie From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If:A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-*-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BULLSH*T and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top

A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, “Just what the hell is your secret?” Bubba replied, “Well, coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw ’em forever!” The coach went home early that day and went straight to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower and, seeing a window of opportunity, tore off his clothes and started banging his penis on the dresser. His wife immediately stuck her head out of the shower and said, “Is that you, Bubba?”

What if tomorrow....... This is to all my Special Family & friends that are very dear to my heart! I'm Sorry... For all the mean things I might have said. I'm Sorry... For all the things I did or didn't do. I'm Sorry... If I ever ignored you. I'm Sorry... If I ever made you feel bad or put you down. I'm Sorry... If I ever thought I was better than you. I am Sorry... For everything wrong I've ever done. I Care for You... Don't ever forget that! Through bad times and good, I'll always be here for you. I'm writing this because what if tomorrow..... YOU WIN THE LOTTERY