Whisky The One and Only's blog: "Funny ...."

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. Come on over to our cottage for a glass any time, to prove and debate this topic. In a number of carefully controlled trials, however, scientists have already demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces.. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Walmart, for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me Asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant? Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't Have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I Probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the Bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive Care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both Arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way That it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one Or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally Complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that Practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food Had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt And a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was Laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.