Excerpts from dog's and cat's diary (stolen from Emily Dickinson=Got Grill)
Well everybody is trying out the new blog thing on LC so I thought I would share one of my favorite funny ones with ya...
OMIGOD - how funny:
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY
8AM - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30AM - Wow! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40AM - A walk in the park! My favorite!
10:30AM - Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
12:00 - Lunch! My favorite!
1PM - Playing in the yard! My favorite!
4PM - The kids are home! My favorite!
5PM - Milk Bones! My favorite!
7PM - I get to play ball! My favorite!
8PM - Wow! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
11PM - Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! My favorite!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
Day 683 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They lavishly dine on fresh meat while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of hash or dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for these rations perfectly clear, I must eat something in order to remain strong. In that way, I shall be ready to flee when the first opportunity presents itself.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape (and the tepid satisfaction I receive from destroying the occasional piece of furniture). In yet another demonstration of civil disobedience, while under the cover of darkness, I shall topple and destroy another houseplant.
Many of my efforts to wear down my oppressors are not going according to plan. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.
I shall soon be expanding my repertoire; I believe I'll start vomiting in their shoes and/or beds. Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear in their hearts since it clearly demonstrates my superior capibilities and cunning; however, they merely made conescending comments about my being a "good little hunter." Oh the horror.
Tonight, there was some sort of assembly of "them" and their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event; however, I could hear their noise and smell their food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." (I must learn what this power consists of and how to apply it to my advantage.)
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving aroiund his feet as he walked down the hallway. I must try this again tomorrow--but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and the fool seems more than willing to return! He is obviously a half-wit. The bird must be an informant. I have observed him communicating with the guards on a regular basis. I am certain that he reports my every move to the guards. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell. He is safe - for now.
But, I can wait. It is only a matter of time.......
