J LL WR R's blog: "funny stuff i find or come upon"

lol female combacks....hahahaha Body: Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband,"Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be." "Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me." "Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up." Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver." "Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method." "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not." "Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it." "Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it." "Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look." "Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was............God, I miss him!"......... "But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!" "Wonderful," said the husband, "but, why?" "You're with the Government........This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed."

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard. ******************** MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread. ******************** JACK AND JILL Went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son. ******************** SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the Pie man, "What have you got there?" Said the Pie man unto Simon, "Pies, you Dumb Ass" ******************** HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings' horses and all the kings' men. Had scrambled eggs For breakfast again. ******************** HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock. ******************** GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry. And when the boys came out to play, He kissed them too 'cause he was gay. ******************** Once upon a time there was a precious little girl With a head of beautiful red hair and a little curl When she was good she was very, very good. But when she was bad she got a fur coat, jewels, and a sports car....