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IT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND ALL THOUGH THE HOUSE EVERYONE FELT SHITTY EVEN THE MOUSE. DAD AT THE WHORE HOUSE MOM SMOKIN GRASS AND I'D SETTLED DOWN FOR A NICE PIECE OF ASS. THEN OUT ON THE LAWN THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER I SPRANG FROM MY PIECE TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER! HE CAME DOWN THE CHIMNEY LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL I KNEW RIGHT AWAY THAT FUCKER FELL. HE FILLED ALL THE STOCKINGS WITH PRETZELS AND BEER AND A BIG RUBBER DICK FOR MY BROTHER THE QUEER! HE ROSE UP THE CHIMNEY WITH ONE HELL OF A FART THAT SON OF A BITCH BLEW MY CHIMNEY APART! HE SWORE AND HE CURSED AS HE FLEW OUT OF SITE PISS ON YOU AND AND HAVE ONE HELL OF A NIGHT!
SEX AND GOOD ENGLISH
ON HIS 74TH BIRTHDAY, A MAN GOT A GIFT CERTIFICATE FROM HIS WIFE. THE CERTIFICATE PAID FOR A VISIT TO A MEDICINE MAN LIVING ON A NEARBY RESERVATION WHO WAS RUMORED TO HAVE A WONDERFUL CURE FOR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
AFTER BEING PERSUADED, HE DROVE TO THE RESERVATION, HANDED HIS TICKET TO THE MEDICINE MAN, AND WONDERED WHAT HE WAS IN FOR.
THE MEDICINE MAN SLOWLY, METHODICALLY PRODUCED A POTION, HANDED IT TO HIM, AND WITH A GRIP ON HIS SHOULDER, WARNED, '' THIS IS POWERFUL MEDICINE. IT MUST BE RESPECTED. YOU TAKE ONLY TEASPOONFUL, AND THEN SAY '1,2,3.' WHEN YOU DO THAT YOU WILL BECOME MORE MANLY THAN YOU HAVE EVER BEEN IN YOUR LIFE, AND YOU CAN PERFORM HAS LONG HAS YOU WANT."
THE OLD MAN WAS ENCOURAGED. HAS HE WALKED AWAY HE TURNED AND ASKED," HOW DO I STOP THE MEDICINE FROM WORKING?"
"YOUR PARTNER MUST SAY'1-2-3-4'''' HE RESPONDED,"BUT WHEN SHE DOES, THE MEDICINE WILL NOT WORK AGIAN UNTILL THE NEXT FULL MOON."
THE OLD MAN WAS VERY EAGER TO SEE IF IT WORKED SO HE WENT HOME, SHOWERED, SHAVED, TOOK A SPOONFUL OF THE MEDICINE, AND THEN INVITED HIS WIFE TO JOIN HIM IN THE BEDROOM. WHEN SHE CAME IN, HE TOOK OFF HIS CLOTHES AND SAID, ''1-2-3!''
IMMEDIATELY, HE WAS THE MANLIEST OF MEN.
HIS WIFE WAS EXCITED AND BEGAN THROWING OFF HER CLOTHES, AND THEN SHE ASKED,' WHAT WAS THE 1-2-3 FOR?'
AND THAT, BOY AND GIRLS, IS WHY WE SHOULD NEVER END ARE SENTENCES WITH A PREPOSITION, BECAUSE WE COULD END UP WITH A DANGLING PARTICIPLE.
