Shadows Wolf's blog: "Funnies"

HOW TO DEAL WITH FINALS THE MATURE WAY
(when you know you're going to fail the class anyway...)

1) Bring a pillow. fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "Oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2) Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre! Andre! I've got the secret documents!!"
3) If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4) Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructors left nostril.
5) Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers to yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking..." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6) Bring cheerleaders.
7) Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor "I don't understand ANY of this! I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8) Bring a Gameboy (or PSP, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
9) On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10) Bring pets.
11) Run into the exam room looking around frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor and say "They've found me! I have to leave the country!" And run off.
12) Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the paper into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas!" If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13) Do the exam with crayons, paint or flourescent markers.
14) Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head and nothing else.
15) Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science , try using Roman numerals.
16) Bring things to throw at the instructor when he/she isn't looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
17) As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
18) Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
19) Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with exam.
20) Turn in the exam 30 minutes early. As you walk out the door start commenting how easy it was,
21) Do the entire exam in multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc...)
22) Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all the questions and answers completely blacked out.
23) Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "F*ck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
24) Every now and then, clap twice reapidly. If the instructor ask why, tell them in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head everytime I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
25) Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of ther opera!" until they drag you away.
26) Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
27) Upon recieving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time with this drivel? Days of Our Lives is on!!!"
28) Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
29) From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's request for you to stop. When they get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on River Kwai.
30) Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
31) If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
32) Come in wearing a full knight's outfit. Complete with sword and shield.
33) Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
34) Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing but getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use attached notes for reference as you see fit."
35) When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
36) After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of them.
37) One word: Wrestlemania.
38) Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before a concert.
39) Try to get the people in the room to do the wave.
40) Play frisbee with a friend from the otherside of the room.
41) Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
42) During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
43) Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

1. Ausfahrt isn't funny anymore, and roundabouts are second nature.
2. You no longer mind the person behind or next to you only giving you half an inch of space.
3. 2 hrs for dinner is "fast food".
4. You judge mustard by how well it opens your sinuses.
5. Jumping across the border to get away for the day is no big deal.
6. You reach for the Jägermeister instead of Pepto Bismol.
7. You think family pictures taken at a castle are "so cliche."
8. You forgot how to use round doorknobs.
9. You forget how to flush a toilet that doesn't have a push button.
10. 100 MPH seems like you're driving really, really slow.
11. You no longer think it is strange that beer and water are the same price.
12. Even at home you don't put ice in your drinks. You never go shopping off base without a shopping bag or VAT form.
13. You NEVER shop on payday or the day before a German holiday.
14. You never leave home without your keys, ID card, license, and passport.
15. You think anything with chocolate sounds like a good breakfast.
16. You think it is natural to pass Army tanks on the highway.
17. You answer the phone "Hallo" instead of Hello.
18. You need a power drill and sledgehammer to hang a picture on the wall.
19. You rig your lawnmower and vacuum cleaner to give you an electrical shock if you try to operate them on Sundays.
20. You no longer even want ketchup for your French Fries.
21. Christmas is incomplete without Gluhwein at a castle.
22. You sing "Tschüss" instead of say Good Bye.
23. Your children no longer say please or thank you ... it is bitte and danke.
24. You wonder how you ever lived without Rouladens.
25. You wear a scarf every singe day .... even in the summer.
26. You plan your route around ESSO locations.
27. You believe AFN is quality programming.
28. You own shoes just for walking .... and know you will walk everywhere.
29. You no longer need google translate at the grocery store
and last but but not least ....
30. You have said out loud at least once .... Damn Americans!!