Christmas Carols for the Disturbed
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy…oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate? - why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder –
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How I Feel
I was nervous at first, it was big and long and went straight up. I had to try it... I eased myself onto it and I liked it! I went up and down on it......... I love escalators now!
From the moment I saw you, I wanted to be inside you, I love your smell, the way your tongue feels, the way you tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!
He came to me one night... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed and had his fill... when satisfied he left... I was hurt... DAMN MOSQUITO!
In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry.
Someday you may lose your hair. You may lose your teeth - your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose is your good looks because you cant lose what you don't have!
I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!
It goes in dry it comes out wet, the longer it`s in the stronger it gets. We can have it in bed just you and me...its not what you think, it`s a cup of tea!
Last night I wantd you, needed you so badly that it hurt. I wanted to taste you. I wanted you in me so you could work your magic on me...but I couldn`t find you. You stupid...PARACETAMOL!
At first a little nibble - a slow and temptin` lick. I suck and munch my liquid lunch, and then I swallow quick! CADBURY`S CREAM EGG - HOW DO YOU EAT YOURS?
Tell me...is it going in?...yeah ...is it hurting?...ooh yeah ...ouch it`s hurtin' ...ok I will put it in slowly ...still hurtin`...ahh yeah ...then let`s try the other shoe madam!
Last night I couldn`t sleep. I wanted you warm against my skin. I wanted you on me. I wanted to feel you all over my body...but I couldn`t find you! Where did I put my PYJAMAS?
I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin` a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrusts in and out, up and down. I can't wait until the next time... I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH!
Come here. Take off your pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until you`re totally satisfied.... lovingly yours...the TOILET!!!!
I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty. I wish your pyjamas were close to me nightly. Dont be mistaken, now dont be mislead, I mean on the clothesline, and not in my bed!
When I look at the sun I C U! When I look at the moon I C U! When I look at the sea I C U!... well get out of my way!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
16 Things to do at Walmart!
THIS COULD ACTUALLY BE FUN!
These things are actually fun to do. J
ust make sure you do them at a wal-mart you don't plan on going back because you may get kicked out.
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?!?!?"
9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, (very loudly): "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Go pikachu, go!"
Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rules of Order
(1) I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
(2) I love deadlines. Especailly the whooshing sound as they go flying by.
(3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
(4) Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.
(5) Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
(6) I don't have an attitude problem. You just have a perception problem.
(7) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars and I wondered, where the heck is my ceiling?
(8) My reality check bounced.
(9) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
(10) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
(11) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
(12) Everybody is someone else's weirdo.
(13) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
(14) Never argue with an idiot, they'll just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
