You went through all the motions of a breakup, from the lonely evenings alone to the drunken nights out with the guys, and you're ready to begin a new relationship with a woman you've been eyeing for a while. But you're wondering how to go about forgetting your ex completely so that you can start this new relationship from a fresh perspective. Read on for the 10 steps you should take to do just that.
1- Accept reality: She's gone
This first step may take longer for some than for others, depending on how serious the relationship was. Obviously, if you were living with your ex, you'll have a harder time accepting the breakup than if you only dated seriously for a few months.
The sooner you accept the reality that she is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your new love. So stop that little voice from telling you that she's going to "come to her senses" and call you.
2- Clear your head
I don't mean for this to sound "self-help-y" or anything, but you have to let go of the anger and hurt that you're feeling about your past relationship. If you don't, you will just drag it into the new relationship, which can spell disaster.
For instance, you may misinterpret your new girlfriend's behavior because of the ways in which your ex reacted. Or you may take out your latent anger toward your ex on your new lady. Avoid this by just letting those feelings go and starting fresh.
3- Learn from your mistakes
Once you've gotten rid of the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience. Think about why you broke up and the reasons you were incompatible.
By taking this extra step, you will ensure that you don't repeat the same mistakes that eventually led to your breakup, and you'll be that much closer to discovering the traits that really matter to you in a mate.
4- Talk to your new girlfriend
Although this may seem counterintuitive, it is a good idea to talk to your new girlfriend about your ex. That way, she will understand where you're coming from and she won't misinterpret anything you do or say.
However, don't go on ad nauseum about her because this will probably scare your new girl away, and then you'll have to start this list of steps all over again.
5- Cut off contact with her
The general consensus among people I've talked to seems to be that exes can't ever "just be friends." Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is just not going to happen. There are always unresolved issues that cause former lovers to act in strange ways.
The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you'll be. So stop calling her and showing up where you know she'll be, and focus your attention on your new girlfriend.
6- Put her picture away
While you're at it, collect all the memorabilia of your past relationship, such as pictures, letters, clothing, and any other trinkets that you amassed, and throw them out. If you're the type of person that never throws anything away, put everything in a box, close it and stash it in a closet or storage space.
7- Find a new favorite spot
Try not to take your new flame to the same restaurants and clubs you went to with your ex, as this will only bring up memories of your times together and cause you to waste your energy thinking about her instead of your new girlfriend.
The best thing to do is find a new restaurant or fun spot that neither of you has ever been to before and experience it for the first time together. Who knows, it may even become "your place."
8- Introduce your new girlfriend to friends and family
Introducing your new lady to your friends and family will help you move on. When they begin to think of the two of you as a couple and forget about the woman you used to be with, it will be that much easier for you to do the same.
9- Don't compare
Do not compare your new girlfriend to your ex in any way, shape or form. Period.
10- Appreciate your new girlfriend's uniqueness
Instead, focus on what makes your new girlfriend unique. How is she special? What does she do that no one else can do? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her and appreciate them all the more.
By following these 10 steps, you will not only forget about your ex, but you will be in a position to enjoy your new girlfriend's company even more. Now get to it.
