You know its funny we fight all the time and sometimes I just want to strangle him but now that things are becoming so real about his surgery I find myself needing to take the time to go somewhere alone and cry. Realizing how scared that I really am that I could lose him. I feel alot of regrets cause I know that there are things I should say to him but just dont know how. But I know that is what is gonna kick me in the butt later. I am scared that God will take him just as he took my angel. And I know that he will have a path that my life is supposed to take but I just dont think I would know how to teach my little boy how to stand up and pee or if I could run off all the boys that I know will be knocking at my door for my little girls thats something a daddy should do. It does not seem fair that I have to do it alone. I have been doing alot of thinking about weither or not my family will make it through all of this. What if God does decide to take my husband away will I have the strenght that I need to raise my kids into adults on my own and I can only pray that if God should decided that when my husband gets on that operating table that he should not wake up how do you explain something like that to your kids. I have been the back bone of my family like when my son died I had to explain to my daughters what happened to their little brother and why he would not be coming home from the hospital. Its like a big black cloud has fallen over my family cause its just one big hurdle after another so please for those of you who read this pray that my husband can pull through this.
