Right now my mind is a mess. I have so much going on that I know where to start, just dont know how to explain it.
I am done with school and hopefully onto my externship in a week. One week. That is major. I am flying thru this last class. I just have to do my Emergency Final on March 8th, then I am free to my own devices. School is not my biggest stress at the moment. But my relationship is just flailing around out in the middle of no where. And I do mean No Where. I dont know whats really going on with me and Steven. I love him, I do. I have wanted to date him since I was 17. I guess I am just getting stressed and giving up. I think after school is done I will go back to normal and hopefully get more sleep to make me feel "sane". I also feel horrid for talking to my Ex-Fiance Matthew yesterday. He IM'ed me on yahoo and thinking nothing of it, I started to talk to him. I was actually cival towards him, which was surprising. I really just wanted to ask him, "Why did you cheat on me? Did you feel better after you left the best thing in your life? Did you know that you have fucked me up for life?" And he has fucked me up for life. I was truly in love with him and he just went behind my back and cheated on me. He was and is the hardest thing to get over. I guess the reason why I talked to him was to get closure I guess. I think I will truly get closure from him is when I make him feel as shitty as I did.
I dont care what people say about anything I say or do. I do love my boyfriend, I love my mom and my horrid asshole of a father. And I love my friends. My friends are my family. I dont care about my "suppossed" cousins. They are blood and I love them but I dont love them Love them. They are never around and that reason Is because my mom doesnt like her sister so my immediate family tree has changed in my eyes. I am just really tired of people saying that I dont care and that I am not appreciative of what other people do for me. Well listen here Fuckers, I AM! Call me spoiled, a bitch, whatever. You are just hating cus you dont have what I do. Bitches.
One Love Yo,
~*SheaBunny*~
