I recently made the decision to end a relationship after a year and a half. Before the final decision was made, I tortured myself over it. I knew what choice was best for me and my happiness, but it was the worst for his. How was I going to look him in the face and tell him my decision was to carry on without him and watch his face turn to such sorrow? I do truly believe that he loved me in his own way It just was not the love I needed in my life I am the type of person that it kills me to hurt someone else in any way. I fought back and forth on the pros and cons, and the cons were always out weighing the pros. But I still was finding some reason to put off the inevitable. For weeks I was in agony trying to make sure this was the best decision. I already knew deep down, I just had to face the facts.
You see, over time I had slowly let this person take away the things that I enjoyed, slowly I was letting him kill a part of me. I can not blame anyone but myself. To have been blind to the things that was going on around me and to me. To look back now I see all those things and realize I seen them all along, I just chose to ignore them. I ignored them them because I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I listened to him tell me that he wanted to change for not only me but for himself. I wanted to believe that he could change, he could be a better person, he could be that person I had always wanted, he could....
I have always had a fear of being alone. I hated it, for no matter the period of time. I would jump from one relationship right into another. any wise person knows this is not a good thing to do. I would never stop and think about what I was doing to myself. Now here I am, alone, decision was made, the process has begun. I feel like there has been a weight lifted from my shoulders. Here I had totured myself over making this decision and now that it was made, I was relieved. I did hurt ans was saddened, not that I left him, but that I had hurt him.
For the first time in my life I am alone and I am HAPPY!!!!
