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I lose myself in the pain of art not to feel happy and accepted but to realize I am alive…
That is the latest status that cant begin to describe the overwhelming feeling of confusion and loneliness that plagues my mind. I find myself back and forth between numerous hopes of futures that are only baring down present goals.
I try to use this pressure as fuel to help my struggling soul dive through a valley of darkness and pain, but the sorrow is so unbearable I see no way out. I circle around viewing my options, hoping for a break, some kind of gap for me to slip through and lift this burden off my shoulders. I see this small glimmer of light, maybe it’s my way out, venture toward the distant beam. Wrapped in solitude it seems so appealing, but like the valley it’s only a mask for its true ugliness. The feeling of being alone had chipped a small crack into my shell of hopelessness. Being alone pushed me over the already small edge my weathered fingers clenched tightly to year after year.
Diving fast into my abyss of depression my fall is halted and reversed. The light overwhelming my eyes was to block the distractions that pushed me over the edge. As I sail past the edge I place my feet on solid ground. Without looking back I walk forward still swallowed in this new light of happiness. It gives me feelings I don’t know how I could possibly describe, but I know if I let these feelings even remotely out of my sight, the fall back into the abyss could be my last. Realizing this I hold on tight to my newfound hope with all my might, and put my life on the line as I swear to never let go.
This is only a small peak into the shell called my brain. Its filled with emotions, thoughts, and fights choices day in and day out, but my newfound light is one I don’t want to let go.
