Giggles's blog: "stories"

One simple word, yet filled with
complexity. One may ask themselves several questions. Is it physical,
emotional or the blend of both causing an intellectual fear? Or perhaps
it is just the unknown. There are so many factors and fixtures ~ the
simple little word ~ becomes a mesh of complexity and undefinable
objections.

As a child fears the darkness ~ a
submissive fears the empty void a Master may create. Being left on her
own to remember His teachings and guiding ways ~ though she has been
trained well, the solitude is creates a void. Within this void the
manifestation of fear begins.

She begins to doubt herself, her abilities, perhaps even her worth.

She continues to struggle to remain focused. She fights with the

inner conflicts raging within herself. So desperately trying to please,
and obey, yet consumed with fear. The loneliness grows ~ the darkness
seems cold and empty ~ there is a deafening silence that rings in her
ears.

She guards what is left of the soul
she possesses. For it is the last of what she calls her own. The walls
are thick, high, and strong, harboring her emotions. The fear of
displaying her weaknesses, the fear of appearing vulnerable, the fear
of becoming dependent, the fear of solitude.

One may drown themselves in work and
family life in order to displace fear. But at the end of the day, when
all the world is quiet and her head rests upon her pillow, she listens
to her beating heart, the silence is again deafening as she replays the
day's events, tears stream silently down her face. She is happy that no
one sees them ~ For it is her fear of appearing less than perfect. She
is raw, vulnerable ~

she is alone.

As she lays staring into the
darkness, she has come to realize just what the fear is. It is not the
physical pain of external forces, but the internal struggle for
contentment. She tries to shake off the insecurities, the doubt and the
questioning ~ she tries to focus in on all that she has been taught ~
yet she lies alone... in fear.

She grows angry at herself for being
weak. This is a side of herself that even she dislikes. She has always
been the strong one. The leader, the fixer, the tower of unwavering
strength and compassion. As the night goes on, the mirror reflection of
who she really is becomes clearer. She is saddened as she faces her
biggest of all fears

~ herself!

Fear