naughtycheffa's blog: "addy"

The once white hot summer sun now mellows to autumn’s deep gold,

Trees shimmer in reds and browns as shadows lengthen in Septembers fading light,

The air moist as morning dew hangs heavy in to late mid morning,

Waiting to become winters morning frost,

Air freshens to the chill on October’s distant breath,

First seasons leaves hanging ready for falling in end of season anticipation,

And I stand and watch you turn,

As early fall’s sun glints from the waves of your hair like crests falling on white sands,

I stand motionless in the hyperactivity off the mute,

With only the will to pull you back,

As courage deserts my ability to react,

Each one of your footsteps pulls mono tone back across fading brown eyes,

With bloodshot shinning back through once again,

To wake upon a damp pillow beacons if I should wake tomorrow,

As I weep to convulsive contortions through the never ending dark of night,

Forgive me for ever loving you in my silence of protection,

Never letting you see these tears of my hidden humanity,

As I hid from this real life that threatened to take me over,

As I lived within this bubble of my own world,

Never letting on the effect of the world outside this sphere that contained my essence,

Safe within from these slings and arrows of reality,

Never to punctuate this misconception I lived,

My everlasting childhood shattered by this final farewell you uttered matter-of- factly,

A line tossed away in nonchalance of the well scripted and rehearsed,

A monologue practised over and over until word perfect,

Delivery and timing of the seasoned thespian in a matinee performance,

My dreams and life lay shattered at my feet,

Shards to shred this bleeding heart and lacerate what remains of this fraying mind,

To once more be glued together with narcotics and alcohol,

And sit in the screaming green velour chair,

With mock wooden legs,

Stained and dirtied,  

This emaciated corpse to found dead and alone,

To go out the way it came in,

No missed,

With no regrets,

But lived protected from myself by me,

And me alone.