A phone call changes your life...
It changes your sense of things.
Words on a line spoken with tears blows the breath out of you.
I could feel myself spinning. And I could feel myself stop.
Every moment that I saw her came to my mind. Flashes, pictures. Laughter.
Me. 17 years old. Pregnant and alone.
I woke in the night in a home not my own.
My belly was tight.
I could feel it release. And tighten once again.
I woke up and pushed the coverlet back to run to the bathroom.
I was unsure of what was happening. My back hurt. My panties were wet, but not soaked.
I walked through the darkened house, out the sliding glass door and down a few steps.
I stood there. In the dark for a few moments. Unsure of myself.
Finally I raised my hand to knock.
Softly at first...and then harder as the next contraction hit.
"stephanie..." I whispered.
A few moments later her face apeared at the door.
"Somethings wrong." My hands slide over my round belly. I looked at her and waited.
"You are going to have that baby!" She was excited. her voice raised and then lowered as she looked behind her into the room.
She ended on a whisper. Thinking of her own infant son, asleep in his crib.
She followed me back into the house and into the bathroom.
I showed her my panties. "YES! That babys coming!"
"It can't."
"He IS!" she laughed and smiled at me.
"I have decided that I change my mind, and that I am not ready to have a baby." I declared.
She laughed "A lil too late there girlie."
She went to wake my aunt.
I was driven to the hospital.
In the backseat I watched the moon and held my stomach.
Scared. So scared.
For myself. For this innocent child inside of me.
At the hospital I was admitted and she stayed to my right as I went into full labor. Offering to rub a soda can along my back and telling me how awsome I was doing between each contraction.
When the doctors told me there would be no pain medicine for me ..She was there, Her hand clasped in mine. Her blue eyes sending warmth inside of my cold scared body.
It came time to push and she was there. Her eyes were my focus. They were so blue. And warm.
I pushed and she held my hand, murmered words of encouragement when I cried and said I couldnt do it anymore... and cried herself when I finally held my son in my arms.
I will never forget that moment. It is the moment that played in my mind when I heard the news about my cousin.
I was so blessed to have her next to me that evening.
