DJ Whatshisface's blog: "Everyday Life"

I love to tell this story because it is 100% true, its quite funny (more so if told in person, so feel free to ask me when I am drunk) and YOU have the opportunity to do the exact same thing! So without further adieu . . . . I spent an entire afternoon at Mamma's on the Half Shell one nice Sunday afternoon in March, enjoying some oysters and drinking no doubt. As the afternoon turned to evening, I found myself to be quite inebriated . . . or should I say, fearless. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a lovely young lady who happened to be standing at the bar having a drink alone. I thought to myself, "what a shame! Someone should talk to this girl, and that someone should be me" Not a second later, and much to my surprise, she had actually approached me to ask for a light. "I am sorry, I quit" I replied, and with much disdain. Acknowledging my sarcasm, she offered me a cigarette, which I happily accepted and I preceded to ask the bartender for a book of matches. While leaning upon the bar I noticed the large commercial food steamer directly behind the raw bar. I found this particular model quite amusing because the manufacturer's logo on the corner read "Cleveland." An actual Cleveland Steamer! I had a laugh to myself, retrieved the matches and returned to my new lady friend. At this point, we were enjoying our smokes and some very superficial conversation, when I (for god knows what reason) decided to ask her if she would like to see a Cleveland Steamer. A look of shock immediately occupied her face. After a long awkward silence, I asked, "Do you even know what that is?" She obviously did not know (and neither did I when I first heard the term) but she had a suspicion that it suggested something sexual, and more than likely filthy. "I am not sure what you are asking me to do?" she replied. With a smile on my face, I placed my hand out, asking her to come along. She obliged. We weaved through the other patrons and landed at the raw bar, where I proceeded to point out my recent find. Surprisingly, she laughed, then asked me what the "other" type of Cleveland Steamer was. I simply lied and said, "I don't know, what you are talking about" We shared another drink or two and the conversation had been stepped up to more interesting topics. But I realize this story is now dragging on so I will just skip to the end . . . her boyfriend walked in, and I left. The moral of the story is: I am definitely going to try this again! For more detailed information on the "Cleveland Steamer" please consult wikkipedia, but hurry, the article is being considered for deletion. For those of you that are doubters, follow the link below, or go to Mamma's on the Half Shell: http://www.clevelandrange.com/nafemproducts.asp?poc=cle&category=0160&article=SteamCraft_Ultra_5_E

Supermarket Club Cards are annoying and bothersome for the consumer, but the grocery stores and market research firms cash in on the data they track. This is why I was so reluctant to sign onto the programs when they were first introduced. The difference in prices were significant, and I had eventually given into the financial pressure. My last attempt at freedom from the club was to type in the famous Hollywood fake phone number with a Maryland Twist: (410) 555-1212. . . . The cashier replied "I'm sorry sir, it did not take your number, can you type it again?" . . . . realizing that it was not in the system, I attempted the alternate Maryland area code (443) 555-1212 and to my surprise, it went through! I was greeted by the cashier "Thank you Mr. McNasty" with a partially held back smile on her face. . . . . As I walked away, I read the botton of the recipt: "You saved 1.65 Mr. Filthy McNasty" . . . . true story, I swear! Give it a try!