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Ok people that a hardly know/don't know at all. I'm gonna let you in on a big secret... I have issues, who knew...
I did. Here's my deal. I hate people. I realized this my first few days at work (ok I knew already, I just didn't want to admit it) I work at a gas station/ truck stop in a deli. And of course there is alot of dealing with people, most of the people I work with are really happy/outgoing people. These people get on to me all the time for being quite and for being a big pain to be around b/c I'm so unsocial. Tonight my sister (whom I work with) calls my mom to let her know how much everyone loves me up there but the thing is I hate almost all of them. I can't do the fake ass smile and laugh when someone makes a funny that in my opinion is not so fuckin funny. I'm not a people person at all and I want to be, but I don't think I can they annoy me???
So I have 1 friend and a boyfriend. The friend I never talk to unless there is a problem. We use to hang all the time now I'm lucky if I see her once a month.
Here's my deal. I can't make friends b/c I'm not one of those people that others can't wait to be around. I'm one of those people that you see and say hey she looks kool enouph, but once they say hey you wanna come chill at a party, I throw them off when I say that i don't like to be around large crowds or drinking (it's messy and it 9 times out of 10 ends up bad) (been there done that I'm good!) And when I don't come off as dull and blah I come off as a motherly figure b/c I try to keep things legal and safe (who knew that was a party pooper?) and if not that bitchy and bossy.
About 2 years ago I had all the friends in the world and everyone loved me I was the crazy kook who always was the life of the party and I just don't know what happened, but i miss being fun and mostly I miss having fun but I don't know how to have fun anymore and i don't know how to interact with people...
This was written for no particular reason just as random thoughts. I don't expect comments, just thought maybe if anyone was interested in learning a bit about the girl behind the computer desk, here I am, dull, lifeless, bitter, shell of a human being nice to meet you...
