EVENTS DON’T CAUSE MY FEELINGS

We have a tendency to say that something “made me sad,” or “made me mad,” or caused some other feeling to arise in us.

This is NEVER true.

No event has any fixed, inherent meaning.  Events have only the meaning that WE give to them.

If events had some fixed inherent meaning, every event would cause all of us to feel exactly the same way.  But this is not the case.  An event might cause me pain, but amuse you.  Or it might make me angry, but make you proud.   Or I might find it funny, while you find it boring.

Or, for an extreme example, look at the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. The vast majority of people in the world, including me, would describe those events as horrific acts of terrorism.  But there is a group of people who rejoiced in those events.  I am not saying those people who rejoiced are right, I am simply acknowledging the truth, which is that they genuinely had that reaction.

You may call those people by any name you want,  and say they are wrong.  And I won’t argue with you.  But this difference in the views you and I share about those events, and the views that others hold, demonstrates very vividly that it’s not the event that caused our reactions.  Because its not the event itself that has meaning.  The meaning that event has for us comes from the fact that we all bring our own beliefs to bear on the event and GIVE it meaning. 

Why does this matter?  Because knowing that no event causes anything in my life without my beliefs operating, I can no longer say YOU MADE ME MAD!!!   I now get to look at what about ME has me upset.   The focus is now on ME, and MY beliefs, it is no longer on what YOU did. And this is powerful, because I can change me, and I can change my beliefs.

And this is true for every single thing that happens to me.  I can no longer blame you for how I feel.

Ever.