BASIC RULES:
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real NJ driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the person in front of you, or the space will be filled by another driver putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light the slimmer the chance of you getting hit.
5. NEVER EVER come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you getting rear ended.
6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left hand lane waiting for the same assholes to squeeze back in line before hitting the construction barriers.
7. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, NJ is a no fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
8. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible as to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.(For those without ABS, its a chance to stretch your legs)
9. Never ever pass on the left when you can pass on the right hand shoulder, its a great way to scare and wake up the person you are passing.
10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable during rush hours.
11. Just because you are in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a NJ driver flashing their lights behind you doesn't think that they can go faster in your spot.
12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush hour traffic.
13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or for that matter even when you see somebody changing a tire....it pisses the people off behind you.
14. Learn to swerve abruptly. We are the home or the high speed slalom, thanks to the Road services dept which puts potholes in strategic places to test drivers reflexes and keep them on their toes.
15. It is traditional in NJ to honk your horns at people who's cars do not move the instant the light changes color.
16. Never ever take a green light at face value, Red to the other drivers means go faster.
17. Remeber the goal of every NJ driver is to get there first.....BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!
18. Real NJ WOMEN drivers can put on makeup, pantyhose, fix their bras and talk on the phone all while doing 75 mph in bumper to bumper traffic.
19. Real NJ MEN drivers can remove a bra, panties, unzip their pants, change the radio station and brag to their buddies on the cell about what they are doing all at 75 mph in bumper to bumper traffic.
20. In the state of NJ, flipping somebody off is considered a polite and welcome gesture, This should always be returned as fast as you can reach your hand out the window no matter what the weather while mouthing "FUCK YOU BITCH" cause we all can read that phrase when coming off the lips of a friendly fellow driver.
HAPPY MOTORING!!!
