Hamptonian's blog: "Don't read if you don't want to know."

Words spoken, taken serious. Delirious with hope beyond reason. Invested with love, bouyed by dreams. False dawn? Defeat from victory? Return to reality. The lonely journey continues.

All I ever wanted. Was a friend to talk to. A love to care for. All I ever wanted. Was a small family to love. A wife to cherish. A life to live. All I ever wanted. Was for the grief to end. A time to rest. A love to have. All I ever wanted. Seems to be smoke. Transitory. A dream.

Harsh winds blow out of the North. Stinging rain, blinds eyes. Coldness seeps into bone. Darkness falls, killing day. Ravens leap skyward from slumbering trees. In the dying light, a scarecrow rustles in an empty field. Cold, colder, coldest is the chilling Autumn night. At a dark window sits an old man --alone, bereft or reason. Bowed by age and life. Wondering why.

Threadbare pants, every day. Headless doll, older puppy. Fun times, always me.

Door closes gently. Footsteps echo, fading fast. Love light dims for me.

Mouth of Madness, beckons. Twilight, end-time, is closer. Sickle falls, reaps me.

Mute scream, eyes tearing. Vacant stare, thinking, waiting. Room empty, hope fades.

Crow caws, leaf falls slowly. Evening frost on empty fields. Day's night --loneliness.

Sunrise, Sunset, night A lover lost, a friend gone. Hollow is the soul.

I wonder why I write sometimes. To be honest, it can't be for the joy of it, because my fingers and hands cramp when I do. Maybe it is for the cartharsis. I would like to think that my putting to electronic pages my experiences and my pains will help someone one day. I don't know if it will or won't, but you know, it can't hurt. I listened to NPR the other day. They had on a special about breakups. This young woman wrote to Phil Collins to help her write a song about the topic. He responded and gave her phone time. It was funny that I felt such a special kinshop with this heartbroken woman. I guess that we are in the same club: the lost and unwanted, so naturally I felt a connection. Why not us? Why someone else? Why so damn quickly? She talked about the gut-wrenching agony and the isolation that only lost love can bring. Hers was a familiar tale of deep love and commitment only to find it unrequited. Followed up by an unexpected breakup. Even though she went through this carthotic process, her last statement spoke pitifully of the thoughts that we forsaken ones all think: Do you think that he/she will take us back? Sadly, we believe that we can recapture that spark. Hers was a torch song, a testament to unquenchable love. I will love you forever and even if it is only for a short time, I wish only to bask in the warmth of your love. I remember telling a friend upon hearing about a couple breaking up after 18 years that I would sell my soul to have 18 years with my love. It is not like the movies or romance novels, sadly. You can't make a person love you if they don't. Empty, hollow words. Uninspired! Trite! Acceptance is a terrible thing left in the institutional halls of some AA meeting. I grieve and I grieve deeply. Does she even know what she has lost? Does she or did she even care? I would have climbed every mountain and scaled every city wall. Walked 500 miles...I would have. In my mind's eye, I see the emptiness that was once filled with sunshine. A supernova has come and gone leaving behind nothing. Like Icarus, I tried to soar from my prison and like him, I strayed too near the brightness and was brought low. I also knowingly went too high and I accept the responsibility of my actions. However, I sit in among the ill-winds of my winter and find little solice in the possibility of another spring. Let the cold permeate my soul and freeze it solid! I want nothing ever again to hurt me. And yet the only voice that is clear in the tempest of my anger is one that whispers: Do you think that she will take me back? Damn...