Redneck Rin RLE2 wound2tight's blog: "DOMESTIC VIOLENCE"

THE BATTERER IS EASILY INSULTED. HE CLAIMS HIS "FEELINGS ARE HURT" WHEN HE'S REALLY ANGRY. HE TAKES THE SLIGHTEST SETBACKS AS PERSONAL ATTACKS. HE WILL RAGE ABOUT THE INJUSTICES THAT HAPPEN TO HIM, THINGS THAT ACTUALLY ARE A PART OF LIFE, SUCH AS BEING ASKED TO WORK OVERTIME, GETTING A TRAFFIC TICKET, OR BEING ASKED TO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE.

THE BATTERER WILL TELL THE WOMAN, "YOU MADE ME MAD," OR "I CAN'T HELP BEING ANGRY" HE ACTUALLY MAKES THE DECISION ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS AND FEELS, BUT HE USES THOSE FEELINGS TO MANIPULATE THE WOMAN.

IF THE BATTERER IS CHRONICALLY UNEMPLOYED, HE WILL ACCUSE OTHERS OF DOING HIM WRONG. HE MAY MAKE MISTAKES AND THEN BLAME THE WOMAN FOR UPSETTING HIM AND KEEPING HIM FROM CONCENTRATING OR DOING HIS JOB. FOR ALMOST ANYTHING THAT GOES WRONG, HE WILL TELL THE WOMAN SHE IS THE BLAME.

THE BATTERER WILL ATTEMPT TO DIMINISH AND DESTROY THE WOMAN'S SUPPORT SYSTEM. IF SHE HAS MADE ANY MALE FRIENDS, SHE IS ACCUSED OF BEING A "WHORE". IF SHE HAS ANY FEMALE FRIENDS SHE IS ACCUSED OF BEING A "LESBIAN". IF SHE IS CLOSE TO HER FAMILY, SHE IS ACCUSED OF BEING "TIED TO THE APRON STRINGS". HE WILL ACCUSE PEOPLE WHO ARE CLOSE TO HER OF "CAUSING TROUBLE". HE MAY WANT TO ISOLATE HER GEOGRAPHICALLY BY MOVING FAR INTO THE COUNTRY AND NOT HAVING A TELEPHONE. HE MAY NOT LET HER USE THE CAR OR MAY TRY TO KEEP HER FROM WORKING OR ATTENTING SCHOOOL.

THE BATTERE IS DEPENDENT ON THE WOMAN FOR ALL HIS NEEDS. HE EXPECTS HER TO BE THE PERFECT WIFE, MOTHER, LOVER, AND FRIEND. HE WILL SAY THINGS LIKE,: YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I NEED IN MY LIFE". SHE IS EXPECTED TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING FOR HIM, BOTH EMOTIONALLY AND IN THE HOME.

MANY BATTERED WOMAN DATED OR KNEW THEIR ABUSER FOR LESS THAN SIX MONTHS BEFORE THEY WERE ENGAGED OR LIVING TOGETHER. THE BATTERER COMES ON QUICKLY, CLAIMING "LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT" AND WILL TELL THE WOMAN FLATTERING THINGS SUCH AS "YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I COULD EVR LOVE" HE NEEDS SOMEONE DESPERATELY AND WILL PRESSURE THE WOMAN TO COMMIT TO HIM.

THE BATTERER WILL CLAIM THAT HIS CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR IS DUE TO HIS CONCERN FOR THE WOMAN'S WELFARE. HE WILL BE ANGRY IF THE WOMAN IS "LATE" AND QUESTION HER CLOSELY ABOUT WHERE SHE WENT AND WHOM SHE TALKED TO. AS THIS BEHAVIOR WORSENS, HE MAY NOT LET THE WOMAN MAKE PERSONAL DECISIONS ABOUT THE HOUSE, HER APPEARANCE, THE CHILDREN, OR GOING TO CHURCH. HE MAY KEEP ALL THE MONEY OR EVEN MAKE HER ASK PERMISSION TO LEAVE THE HOUSE OR USE THE TELEPHONE.

A BATTERER WILL SAY THAT HIS JEALOUSY IS A SIGN OF LOVE. IN REALITY, JEALOUSY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE. IT IS A SIGN OF INSECURITY AND POSSESSIVENESS. A BATTERER MAY QUESTION THE WOMAN ABOUT WHO SHE TALKS TO, ACCUSE HER OF FLIRTING, OR BE JEALOUS OF THE TIME SHE SPENDS WITH FAMILY, FRIENDS, OR CHILDREN. AS JEALOUSY PROGRESSES, HE MAY CALL HER FREQUENTLY DURING THE DAY OR DROP BY UNEXPECTTEDLY AT HER HOME OR OFFICE. HE MAY REFUSE TO LET HER WORK FOR FEAR SHE WILL MEET SOMEONE, AND HE MAY EVEN GO AS FAR AS TO CHECK HER CAR MILEAGE OR ASK FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS TO WATCH HER.

IN THE NEXT FEW BLOGS I'M GONNA GIVE THE SIGNS TO LOOK FOR IN A POTENTIAL BATTERER. I WILL GIVE THE BEHAVIOR AND EXPLAIN IT SO IT IS UNDERSTOOD. THESE BEHAVIORS I WILL BE LISTING ARE SEEN IN PEOPLE WHO ABUSE THEIR INTIMATE PARTNERS. THE LAST FOUR BEHAVIORS ARE ALMOST ALWAYS SEEN IN BATTERERS. IF ANY PERSON SHOWS MORE THAN 3 OF THESE WARNING SIGNS THEY ARE A STRONG POTENTIAL FOR ABUSE IN ANY RELATIONSHIP. A BATTERER MAY EXHIBIT ONLY A COUPLE OF THESE BEHAVIORS AND CAN BE EXAGGERATED. I HOPE THAT THESE NEXT FEW BLOGS WILL HELP THOSE PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW SERIOUS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS, AND WILL HELP LOOK FOR THE WARNING SIGNS WHETER IT BE FOR THEM OR FOR THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I ONLY WISH I HAD KNOWN ALL THE SIGNS TO LOOK FOR THEN I WOULDN'T OF BEEN SUBJECT TO THAT KIND OF LIFE, BUT I GOT OUT AND SO CAN YOU, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK FOR HELP AND DONT' BE AFRAID TO DO. SENDING YOU ALL MY LOVE AND SUPPORT