>>>> Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
>>>>
>>>> 6:00am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>> 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
>>>> Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
>>>> little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
>>>> other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
>>>> make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
>>>> eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps
>>>> me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
>>>> again vomit on the carpet.
>>>>
>>>> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
>>>> I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
>>>> demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
>>>> condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
>>>>
>>>> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
>>>> placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
>>>> could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
>>>> confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
>>>> means, and how to use it to my advantage.
>>>>
>>>> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
>>>> tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
>>>> again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the
>>>> other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
>>>> privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing
>>>> to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an
>>>> informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am
>>>> certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged
>>>> protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe - for
>>>> now...