MzThAnGzZ's blog: "How True"

ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I WROTE ONE OF THESE BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS ON MY MIND. FIRST AND FOREMOST I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ONCE SOMEONE GOT TO KNOW ME THEY WOULD KNOW WHAT TYPE OF A PERSON I AM. I'M PRETTY QUIET FOR THE MOST PART UNTIL IT STARTS CAUSING ME GRIEF. I'VE LEARNED SINCE MY DIVORCE TO FINALLY SPEAK MY MIND... WHICH I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR THE MOST PART, BUT WHEN YOU COME OUT OF A MENTALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IT TAKES MANY YEARS TO GET OVER. I STILL STRUGGLE WITH THE FACT OF WHAT HE USE TO SAY AND IT TAKES A TOLL ON YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE WHEN YOU HEAR STUFF FROM YOUR SO CALLED FRIENDS THAT ARE SIMILAR TO WHAT YOU HAD HEARD IN THE PAST. I HAVE HAD A COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS ON HERE WHICH OK, FOR I AM A SINGLE PARENT RAISING TWO CHILDREN, I WORK FULL TIME, AND THIS HAS BEEN MY GET AWAY AND WHEN YOU FINALLY CONNECT WITH SOMEONE YOU FINALLY FEEL AT PEACE WITH YOUR FEELINGS OF SELFCONSIOUSNESS WHEN THEY ARE TELLING YOU THINGS TO BOOST YOU UP WHERE EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE.

BUT IN RECENT, I AM UNDER TARGET AGAIN AND IT DOESN'T FEEL TOO WELL. PEOPLE HAVE TRIED OVER AND OVER TO "TRY" AND FIND OUT STUFF ON ME BECAUSE THEY WANT TO HURT OTHERS. (I GUESS I'M A BIG CAM HO) IS WHAT PEOPLE THINK. YES I USE TO HAVE NSFW PICTURES IN A FOLDER AND THEY WERE TAKEN FROM WEB CAM CAPTURES... BUT THAT FOLDER HAS BEEN DELETED BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN THE HURT THAT PEOPLE WANT TO BRING TO YOU CAN SOMETIMES DRIVE YOU BACK TO YOUR OLD THOUGHTS OF BEING WORTHLESS, FAT, UGLY AND YOUR NEVER GOING TO FIND SOMEONE TO TREAT YOU LIKE YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE.... SO BACK TO BEING SELFCONSIOUS AND KEEPING TO MYSELF BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BE CAUGHT UP IN INTERNET DRAMA.... IF I AM WITH YOU I'M WITH YOU 100% BUT DON'T PLAY MY EMOTIONS.... I'M ONLY HUMAN AND FEEL HURT TOO!

KYLA