DO YOU FART IN BED?
IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO
HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN
HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE
HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN
HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE
SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP
FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP
RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE
TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS
PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE
WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS
OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM
OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS
PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS
SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK,
GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A
MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK T HE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER
HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED
COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND
OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY
GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH
HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD
CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS
AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY
CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING,
TEARS IN HER EYES!
AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT
HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME
DOWSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK
OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED
HIM WHAT THE MATTER WAS.
HE SAID, "HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT." "ALL THESE YEARS
YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU".
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" ASKED HIS WIFE.
"WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END
UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY
HAPPENED."
BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO
FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN."