So as I sit here wondering If I made the right choice. Wondering IF I tried hard enough to hold this marriage together. If I gave it enough of a chance to survive. I guess second thoughts are normal for any major life changing decision. I do still have alot of emotions for him. Can't honestly say I am still "in love" with him. It may just be the fact that we've been a part of each others lives for so long. A comfort zone. But, then today as I was sitting in my car counting change to try to scronge up enough money to get a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread, and maybe a few other cheap food items to feed my kids til I get paid Friday. I had a total of 6 dollars and some change to manage this task at hand. And you walk into a store with your 8 y/o who of course has no understanding of "we can't afford it" Is asking me for a 99 cent bucket of swedish fish and I get to look into his big brown eyes and say.."Not today buddy" It's a one dollar item and I have to say no to him. Why ? because my soon to be ex decided to deal with the news of the seperation by spending the day at the track with his paycheck! I had to put my credit card over it's limit just to have enough to buy a few packs of cigarettes (because lord knows now isn' t the time to quit) and put enough gas in my car to get me back and forth to work thjs week. So after all of this..I realize that yes I did make the right choice. I can't spend the rest of my life telling my kids "Not today buddy" If I want to have anything worth shit in my life I can't be with a man that thinks that his way of "dealing" is to blow an entire paycheck in a few hours at the fucking track! Get the fuck over your whinny self and face the fact that you have kids to think of..Kids that need food, and drinks, and pants for school. Pick yourself up out of the hells and pitty me crutch of "I can't help it, It's an addiction..a sickness...fuck that! You have responsibilites as a father to make sure THEY are provided for!!!!
