Life does not require us to be consistent, cruel, patient, helpful, angry, rational, thoughtless, loving, rash, open-minded, neurotic, careful, rigid, tolerant, wasteful, rich, downtrodden, gentle, sick, considerate, funny, stupid, healthy, greedy, beauti ful, lazy, responsive, foolish, sharing, presured, intimate, hedonistic, industrious, manipulative, insightful, capricious, wise, selfish, kind or sacrificed. Life does, however, require us to live with the consequences of our choices.
- Richard Bach, Running from Safety: An Adventure of the Spirit
Living on Earth may be expensive.....but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Make your words short and sweet because you never know when you might have to swallow them.
May you have the hindsight to know where you have been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far...
Men with piercings are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
People who think they're perfect are very annoying to those of us who really are.
Pity the poor egg; it only gets laid once.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati - When all else fails, play dead.
Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Stress: The confusion created when ones mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living crap out of some butthead who desperately needs it.
Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting - in the trying, not the triumph, Success is a personal standard - reaching for the highest that is in us - becoming all that we can be. If we do our best, we are a success. Success is the maximum utilization of the ability that you have.
- Zig Ziglar
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.
- Alan Ashley-Pitt
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
This life is a test; it is only a test. If it had been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do.
Virginity is like a bubble, One prick and its all gone.
We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
We wait all these years to find someone who understands us, I thought, someone who accepts us as we are, someone with a wizard's power to melt stone to sunlight, who can bring us happiness in spite of trials, who can face our dragons in the night, who can transform us into the soul we choose to be. Just yesterday I found that magical Someone is the face we see in the mirror. It's us and our homemade masks.
- Richard Bach, Running from Safety: An Adventure of the Spirit
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Don't complain.
When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute - and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly realized that I was talking to myself.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
When you get upset, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 4 to extend your middle finger.
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
-Norm Crosby
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Bald people never have a bad hair day.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Bosses are like diapers; Full of shit & always on your ass.
Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is your list of girls who were naughty.
Diplomacy: The ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way he looks forward to the trip.
Expert: A person who knows a great deal about very little and who goes along knowing more and more about less and less, until finally he knows practically everything about nothing.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable we have to change it every 6 months.
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
Going to church on Sunday does not make you a better person any more than sleeping in a garage over night would make a Chevrolet out of you.
I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
-Bill Cosby
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I'm a mental tourist. My mind wanders.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
I think it's because light travels faster then sound that some people look bright until they talk.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but now I see I should have been more specific.
