Well so far, I have finished week one of my husband being gone and I hate it. I miss him so much, he is part of my every thought and dream. I can't even go to sleep and be peaceful. He calls me and everyday he sounds worse and worse and that scares me. I just want him to be happy and focused on what he is doing. He can call every other day, but its only for 10 mins at a time. I always feel frustrated because I didn't get to tell him everything I wanted to tell him. If the conversation doesn't go well, I then feel in agony until the next conversation which then again leaves me feeling frustrated. I can't win, Im stuck between agony, anger and frustration. This does not make for a healthy emotional stew.
The other problem is that before we got married and for the three months after we got married, before he left, I was a housewife. I would do my daily business and clean the house and look forward to him coming home. I now have nothing to look forward to. For such a long time he was what made me happy, he has my heart, I am not me without him. I force myself out of bed every morning to leave a quiet empty house and come home to a quiet empty house. I just wish I could make the pain go away, not only for me, but for the guys over there and the wives who feel the same way I do. We are all hurting so much, I wish I could make it better, but I can't. Which leaves me feeling helpless as well. I hope and pray everyday that it gets better and the year will go by fast, but it doesn't. It creeps along and I feel like its sqeezing the life out of me in the process. As if at any moment my heart could spontaneously combust from all the hurt it feels.
