to the world it may seem as though you are just a memory. and during the day when the sun is out, i act as though you are. as though we have memories, but we will also have a chance to make more...you are just at work or visiting friends in madison. but when the sun sets and everyones in bed, and its just me, i find myself thinking of you. and there is nothing i can do to make it go away. i bury myself in un-realities like movies and conversations on the internet. movies dont work well anymore, but if im talking to someone, as long as im fooling them, i can fool myself. but i cant lie to the dark silence which is the night... such as now. these are the times when i break down thinking of you. these are the times that i realize its true, i wont see you again, our memories are just that and we wont make anymore. but dont worry my friend I hold your motto dear "no regrets" day to day im living, its night to night that i fret and fail this. maybe its because the night is where we had so many talks, maybe its because the night is where most of our fondest memories were made, or maybe its because the night is when the stars come out, and the one thing that makes me think of you most more than anything are the stars. you remember that night at the old place? i remember it as if it was yesterday. or maybe its because the night is empty and filled with silence and i am forced to hear the realities in my head. whatever it be, i cant sleep. and it worsens when i see you on the news or in the paper, i wish you were here but i cant bring you back. part of me longs for the days i thought you may still possibly be around, that you would be able to read these, those times were harder with less closure, but there is still no full closure and then at least i could dream. but now my dreams are haunted and there is nothing i can do.
