Death is my Desire. I have longed for death for it seems eternity. Is there nothing to live for? My children keep me alive. But yet I feel like I am drowning in the endless pit of life. Darkness consumes my every pore. Could it be that life is nothing but a mere dream? Could my life be someone else's nightmare? I am living in a nightmare of my own life. My blood no longer flows to be living. My heart no longer beats for love. My eyes no longer see the point to life.
What is real and what is beyond the realm of life? My soul seeks for the ultimate adventure - Death. This body is but a prison, a cell that binds me to this world. I long to set my soul free, but yet I cannot. Is it fear that holds me back? No, perhaps it is the want to see my children grow. Or maybe it is my heart longing for something else. How long must I endure the pain of this life? How long can I withstand the binds that hold me on this plane of exsistance? Is there nothing more to life? Is there nothing that I can look forward to? I feel as if I were trapped on a sinking ship. My instincts tell me to survive, but my lungs no longer hold air.
My husband, my love, my soulmate is all I ever wanted in a man. He is the dream that became reality. I love him with every part of my being, but I no longer feel if that is enough. He deserves so much better. I am not sure if love is enough to hold us together anymore. He thinks that I am falling out of love with him. That is not true...the truth is that I am falling out of love with myself. How can I love him if I cannot love myself? In this pit of nothingness I see only darkness. My heart no longer beats with life, but with the hope of death. My prison is my own being. I want to be set free of my internal prison. Oh Death, come to me on swift wings and set my soul free of this darkness. As they say Death is only the beginning.
